The quality/quanity question.  This is a big one for my family…I think my dad was always depressed and on the verge of depression…he made no bones about the fact that he was ready to die when it was time.  As a young mother of two, I absolutely could not understand this mentality…after all, he had a daughter and two grandaughters..wasn’t that enough…

Flash over to the maternal side.  I have a mother and Aunt who absolutely didn’t/don’t want to die no matter what.  Speaking from my opinion only, my mother had a crappy life.  She was angry, bitter, totally alone and spent lots of energy faking it for everyone else so they would think she was a sweet little old lady.  worked some times?  But she did not want to die…quality be damned..it was quanity.

Aunt Frances is totally fighting it tonight.  She is a God fearing, bible thumping believer that does not want to die.  I’m not understanding this.  He and I just discussed tonight that I may be skewed…Perhaps I don’t hold life to a high enough value.  I do not want to die today…I’m not afraid to die, I’m just not done.  Aunt Frances has had at least one stroke, 4 seizures in the last 12 hours, she can’t talk for the most part, can’t move her left arm, she is in pain due to serious neurological problems with her back and legs…and the woman was able to say…I will get well.  What is this strength, what is this desire at 93 years old to climb the hill to health dragging along this body that no longer works…where does someone reach soooo far down and say…I will get well?

Should I be ashamed to want to chuck it all if I end up in her condition.  I am not understanding…is there something I am missing?