I have a friend of many years that doesn’t approve of me, has manipulated all of those around us with her self defeating attitude. I spent a good many hours of our friendship trying to make her okay and telling her that all of those self-defeating comments were just not true…it was never a “let me help you get better” it was always “no, noone thinks that” “no, I have no idea why they did that to you”, “I’m sure they meant nothing by it”. At the time, I guess I thought that her attributes were more valuable to me than the totally negative personality that she put out there. She doesn’t approve of my computer habits and the fact that I hate to talk on the phone..she doesn’t approve and has made it perfectly clear and won’t even answer my emails now…
She and I are members of a larger group of friends/acquaintances – I am the “friend” of this group with the least amount of tenure. For quite a while, I have enjoyed being with this group when she is not there. When she is there I feel like I’m sitting naked in ice cold water in the middle of town square. It is miserable. It’s in my craw..I am trying to figure out how to deal with it. I decided the other night that I was just going to back away from this group..that it causes me more stress than enjoyment. They are not good friends, they are just occasional friends..we have a few things in common, but mostly our age. But, I am afraid to burn bridges…they include me in all of the get-together emails and I have just decided not to respond. I feel like I want to say…Done…not comfortable, don’t include me anymore…but don’t feel comfortable doing that because 1) I don’t need them to talk about me and why I did it and 2) I don’t feel that I can tell them why I want out…should I or should I not.
I thought about confronting “her” but it is one of those relationships that I feel isn’t important enough anymore to do that. Lots of angst, nothing will change…I should just be done with it. Having the honest conversation with her is not going to help..so why do it…do I just continue to ignore? That seems like the best thing to do…and perhaps just delete the emails without reading them when they come. This isn’t an issue where I want them to choose me over her….This is one of those times when she would use this perfectly well to indicate I’m killing her…what has she done…oh my….I just want her to accept me the way I am and if that won’t happen, I just want to be done with it….