92 year old Aunt Frances (lives with 90 year old mother next door) called me a little after 1am yesterday morning, said she was in terrible pain and I needed to come over. How many times this has happened, I can’t begin to explain..grrrrr. When I got there, Aunt Frances asked me to feel her hernia, it was very solid…this is a hernia she has had many years; I knew this was not a good sign. In the middle of a rain storm – can you believe that – I hauled her into the ER where they found her to have an incarcerated hernia which would require emergency surgery to repair. She was afraid. Being the God fearing woman she is, I thought it was okay to tell her that she would die without the surgery. I could see the fear and indecision in her eyes. I asked her if she was afraid of dying. She said no but she really liked living. She said, I’m in God’s hands. I told her there were really two things that could happen…she would either survive and come back here or go home. She decided to have the surgery. They wheeled her in around 6:15a and it was all over at 7:15 and after an hour in recovery, I heard her coming down the hall before I saw her. She was on demerol, away from my mother for awhile…her life was good. Surgery went well.
Before you judge me on the rest, either read my previous blogs about my narcissistic mother, or trust me when I tell you she has been very difficult and it took me lots of therapy, medication and the peace of God to not find a way to kill myself when my dad died and left me with her. My aunt gave up a go-getter life in Des Moines when my mother begged her to get her out of the nursing home and live with her last December. Aunt Frances wanted to give her Christmas and a month at home to get things in order then mom would go back to the nursing home and she would move back to Des Moines…to her church and her friends…needless to say, she just can’t bring herself to be responsible for moving mom back into the nursing home. She is a much better person than I am. My mother fights and competes with her day and night and does not believe for a second that my aunt is living there to take care of her…anyway…I wasn’t going to get in to this garbage.
At 5:30 this morning, mom calls Dana – (the daughter of a good friend of mine who takes care of them 3 x a week) and begged Dana to drive over here and take her to the hospital because she was alone. Then once there, not to be outdone by Aunt Frances, she had to go to the emergency room because she was having a pain in HER stomach. Ya…she’s constipated.
Meanwhile, because I was at the hospital all night, Jenny went to DM to pick Katy up at the airport. I tried to sleep on and off today but had insomnia because I could not figure how I was going to get to see Katy..get my mother home from the hospital and “deal” with her etc etc. I have the two best girls in the world, they took care of it for me..they went to see Aunt Frances – who was totally enjoying the demerol and brought g’ma home – got her situated and made life so much easier for me. Kate took me aside and said she had thought a lot about it, and I needed to remember that g’ma has an extreme psychiatric disorder and at least she isn’t mean like a lot of other old people…ya…she got that out of her system when I was young. I have to honestly say that it feels so good to have someone take care of me instead of my history of the other way around. “He” takes care of me too – but I always feel guilty when he has to deal with her because it just seems above and beyond the call of husbandry.
The big thing I learned about myself today is that I’ve been away from all of mom’s crap for awhile..I just don’t get involved unless there is an emergency..and I’m much better…but whenever I have to deal with her or figure out how to deal with her, I revert back. Today and tonight I found myself food binging. I haven’t eaten everything I could get my hands on for a long time – it’s not normal stress – it is mother and aunt Frances stress..so now I know that I have some work to do on the old psych.
If you are still reading this, thanks…today’s novel was for me to get the feelings out so I can deal with them and move on.
:: edit:: Oh great…it’s Friday the 13th