I’m seeing a change come over me…is it because I”m now over 50 and just have no tolerance left or has my personal internal therapy cleansed me of my  need to please everyone.  My mother taught me very well…first and foremost, I must please her and do her bidding and make her somebody by being successful…I think my history reflects a sick people pleasing personality.  I believe, now, that I had no idea who I really was because I didn’t have time – I had everyone else to think about.

I was very irritated when I got to work last night because I received an email from a jail employee…I have always had the horrible thought that this is one of those guys who would take a gun into a public place and blow everyone to smithereens…He has a very volitile personality and short fuse.  I’ve actually been a little hesitant of him and absolutely did not want to represent him during a disciplinary hearing.  Unfortunately I put that exact information into an email and of course he got a copy of the email.  (I know… don’t put anything in writing you don’t want someone else to see).  Needless to say, everything in the email was exactly how I felt but it was probably inappropriate for me to send those thoughts to someone else.  So…to make an incredibly long story even longer…last night I received an email from him blasting me clear to hell…my first reaction was oh, for crying out loud…the psycho….then as the night progressed, I thought that I would be really angry too if someone said the same things about me – so I decided I probably needed to apologize..but actually I am not sorry about feeling the way I do just the email…so I apologized about the email said I was wrong…short and sweet.  This is totally different from how I would have reacted when I was an active “people pleaser”.  I would have apologized and justified and excused myself…but NO…not doing that anymore.  You can either like me or not like me.

End of rant….