I have “never discussed” what used to be a “never discussed” subject as much as I have in the last 3 months.


When I was diagnosed with diverticulitis, the doctor told me that the way to avoid this in the future is to not get constipated.


I must say I can count on one hand the times I have been constipated in my life.  My poop seemed to be the most important thing on everyone’s mind.  Like wack-a-mole bouncing in and out of the room with one question.  Have you pooped?

After the diverticulitis healed, I went back to my fiber infused diet.


I don’t like the word poop and, for the most part, thought it was just used by children or talking to children to distinguish between number 1 and number 2  Although my mother didn’t use the number designation nor explain it to me so I never REALLY knew what everyone was talking about.  My mother used  the word bowel movement or BM   *shiver…while more anatomically correct, I still cringe when I hear those words!  Through my life, I have occasionally thrown out the “shit” word as an expletive so you would think I would be okay with it, but I would find it offense if the doctor in his pristine white jacket adorned with his embroidered name would walk in and say, Have you shit?

Prior to kidney surgery, I was required to clean my colon.  YES! I must say that walking around with a pristine colon is something that I wouldn’t mind sharing with others.  But I couldn’t figure out how to bring it up.  I vote that that our colon health is more important than appendage length, manscaping or female breast size or shape but as a society, we roll those topics off our tongue ad nauseum.

After kidney surgery, every time a doctor or nurse walked into the room the conversation began with those 3 words “have you pooped”.  I later learned that these folks aren’t so concerned about whether I have pooped or not but really just want to know if I have passed gas.  Why don’t you just ask?

Yesterday at the week followup the doctor’s first question to me in front of him was, “Have you pooped”.  Heretofore, he had no idea that I even participated in that crap.

Enter Doc-Q-Lace, the medication used to soften the whole process so as to avoid pain while the insides are healing.  I looked this morning and it really works…kind of a soft, petal like event.


I actually started this post because I went to the internet to look up words to be used instead of poop.  Ya…don’t do that…I’m totally screwed up now.

Until next time…

If only we were all the same so we would know what to expect?

I remember the exact feeling I had when I heard the words…and we found an 8cm mass on your left kidney which we believe is malignant.  He and Jenny were in the room but I was sitting cross legged on the exam table and I saw and I heard white noise.  I’m not sure if my reaction would have been different had I been alone in the room with the doctor…I just knew at that moment, I didn’t want to communicate, I didn’t want to say anything, I wanted to just listen to my synapse which at the moment were just humming as they were trying to make a nerve junction up there; but, they had not been forced to make the same connection since 2001 when my Dad died.  I wonder if it would have been better had there been an app for that?

I had plenty of time between diagnosis and surgery to think.  At first, I read a lot of the medical web sites from Mayo to Web MD.  I did not read a lot of opinions and stories from the general public.  I knew that my situation was unique and I would not learn anymore about my situation no matter how many also unique opinions and unique circumstances I allowed to complicate my thinking process.  I finally found the Kidney survivor’s website on Facebook…it seems to be pretty matter of fact…not so many opinions rather individual stories in their own brief words.  This helped me the most.    There seemed to be a random enough mixture of stories to make anything seem possible.  From the very worst – to the very best outcomes….and a room full of support for everything in between.

I’m now 4 days post nephrectomy.  I have one angry little incision for which I require my pain pill…a lot of other little plugged holes still have some discomfort – but there is a difference in pain tolerance.  The pain I’m feeling right now on THE scale might be a 3 or 4.  4 days ago, I might have rated the pain a 6 or 7.  There are probably no 2 people with exactly the same response and thoughts about this major event which will be a yardstick in our timeline.  All of the before and after I was diagnosed with cancer life marker.  There is nothing out there to read which will tell you what is going to happen to you.  It is an abyss from which we are supposed to draw strength from within ourselves and live each day a little better than the day before.

Until next time….

….and now there are two


Before I share my Alfred Hitchcock fear, I must share this picture of Katy and Adam.  Riding horses on her birthday.  She is so darn cute!

So…yesterday…the cats set up guard on the dining room table….a baby bluejay found his wings and made it over to the back of the front porch rocker.


Mama or probably Daddy did not like the fact that I was moving around in my own front yard, for crying out loud.

Today, I thought – oh…he’s back




Isn’t this how it began for Tippi Hedran and Rod Taylor back in 1963?

Surgery is tomorrow.  I’m ready!  Good vibes, thoughts, prayers filling the universe are appreciated!

Until next time…..

Having a reading nest….


Laying in bed this morning, listening to the morning floor creaks and his morning habits, I felt the need to delve into why he likes to wake up and immediately have both feet on the floor; and how I like to lay there and move my legs around the disheveled sheets searching for a cool spot, rotate my pillow around, catch up on Facebook, etc and wake up.  I came up with no answers.

I have a tendency to do exactly opposite of what I’ve always read.  Bed should be for sleeping…do not make your bed the place you watch tv, eat, read and nest.  Oops.  While I’m not a “napper” unless I’m sick, once I’m up….I’m up…but…occasionally I’ll walk into our room, glance at the bed and have that comforted feeling.  I don’t think that is wrong.

Today, I mixed it up a bit and found my reading spot for the day.  On the front side of the house.  It is shady, there is an amazing cool breeze and the only real NOISE is the multitude of birds all trying to talk at once.  I’m not really a bird person…okay…I really never notice birds other than when I want to scream SHUTUP!  The rustling of the breeze through the leaves makes it okay.

2 weeks from today, probably around this time 10:30 am, I’ll be going under the knife.  Just thru that in because it is on my mind.  Otherwise, I’m just going to be in love with this day!

Until next time…..