I fully recognize that I am not in a gentle place right now. I’m not doing my morning centering, meditations and I miss that contented 2020 peacefulness. That’s not to say I didn’t have a thin thread of fear running through my head about COVID but I settled in to experience those early months of the virus without the busyness that is overwhelming me now. He and I were content to just “be” in this house together…doing what felt right in the moment. We talked several times about how good it felt not to have a schedule, and not to have commitments. It was the first time I really understood that everything is vibration and energy. In simple terms, I understood the concept of sitting in the center of a room and watching my thoughts play out on screens around me. Those thoughts are not me, they are only visual concepts that change from one moment to another depending on what gets my attention.
So wah wah wah, I’m circling back! I’m releasing commitments and responsibilities that I chose for the wrong reasons. I know I must discern when my attention is drawn to those movie previews in my brain that apparently are causing me to “feel” uncomfortable, unsettled and irritable. I know that by focusing on the negative; by attempting to rationalize everything, I will experience instant karma serving it all back on a platter to me. I am what I think. Knowing I am capable of following my North Star, recognizing my emotions when I feel them….sitting with them until they subside and then with gratitude for the “I AM” soul that is me. There is nothing outside of myself that needs to be concerning or considered as I move forward in peace with my intuition and my knowing.
While standing in the spray paint aisle today, I heard the old man coming before I saw him. Significantly overweight, puffing out with each breath, perspiring and a two pack a day deep cough and of course, no mask. My irritation was well learned and the thought I had was 1] that had better not be a COVID cough you old expletive and 2) do you have any idea how close to death you sound. I make no excuses for my thoughts. They were my thoughts and I own them.
As he moved to the checkout, he immediately started huffing and bitching about the cost of whatever he was buying and then the famous words…Thanks, Biden.
As I moved closer to the checkout counter with my paint, he started berating the polite and clean cut teenage male clerk because he didn’t like the size of plastic bag he was being offered. The conversation proceeded with this story’s young hero offering the old man a much smaller bag to which the old guy began to aggressively shake the now-filled bag … telling the young hero that he could get even more items in this small bag….SEEEE!
As the old man exited the store, I approached the counter with my two cans of paint and dishwashing brush and politely told the young clerk that it wasn’t important to me which bag he chose and then I shook my head signaling I thought the previous customer’s picture was in the dictionary beside the word ass!
The sweet hero in this story grinned at me…and said it’s ok. He was having a bad day….we didn’t have what he was looking for when he first came in!
The comment speaks for itself. I chose not to say anything else to the young, kind clerk. He knows who he is and I am honored we crossed paths today!
Oh the naïveté of life. We make our plans, we think we just keep movin’ on from what we are doing today…this week…this month….we anticipate with gusto tomorrow, next month, next year and we expect them to be status quo. Here’s an excerpt from last years blog from the last day.
“What will happen is lots of life in 2020. Just the way twenty/twenty rolls off the lips fills me with hope and wonder. I won’t make silly resolutions other than I’ll try to spend more time in service to others, I will not focus on the negative but instead I will focus on loving myself and being kind.”
If I take one thing from my dreams for 2020, I did In fact spend more time in service to others. Obviously not face to face but in support. I admit that I TOTALLY went into corona fear and focused on the negative for a couple of months beginning after my birthday in March. To use a phrase I don’t think is too vulgar or overstated for 2020, “shit got real”. Then something happened to me.
I started taking to heart all of the teachings… from the lessons and new thought teachings of Unity Village Chapel and my training in my short time with the Silent Unity Prayer ministry…from Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr, Paul Selig, A Course in Miracles, and the list goes on. I chose to remove Twitter and the barrage of 24 hour news from my life realizing that they are absolutely not the predictors of our future. It all reverts back to money. We are paying with our hearts and souls and peace of mind for their job of delivering fear. Fear always manifests nothing but fear…it’s a circle…..A viscous circle!
I look at the tragedy’s of 2020 and send love and peace and the light of the universe… I will not start 2021 holding onto the fear but I will remember the tragedy’s and the pain and Illness with the deserved reverence. We must move on. Not focusing on what has happened but what is happening right this moment…for each moment in our day, month, year and life. We must love ourselves, love each other and be kind.
I spent a lot of time this morning working through some friendship issues…..TOO DRAMATIC. I used my time this morning centering myself and releasing my attachments to outcomes and reining in my ego. My ego thought it was going to be a great day because I was loaded for bear and I felt very satisfied in my indignation and my anger. My small self was able to go along with my tirade all the while feeling justified and right…it did feel good but only because I have a long history of feeling justified in my fluent vocabulary and my rage. When “it” is what I know, it just feels right.
Before the exhaust completely dissipated, I was able to sneak a peak at Twitter. Just for the record, my sneaky peak is only sneaky in my own volume of personal rules. I was once again feeling understood because again I find that most of my Twitter feed agrees with me…(follow/unfollow is an excellent way to always be assured I am right)!
I give myself (my ego) some space and kindness because I’m still a student learning about living in this moment and seeing everyone as a beloved with different perspectives due to their experiences along their journey. 2020 has been a great teacher and the election has allowed me to feel some relief, some hope for the future while allowing me to understand these last four years were needed for me (us) to realize how low we could go.
Like everyone else, I vote for the person(s) I think will most certainly govern with the best interest of the schools, city, county, state, United States…usually it all works OK even if I am not in agreement with particular decisions. My thought has always been what damage can REALLY be done in two years, four years.
Now that we are nearly through 2020, which in hindsight seems we should have had more vision, but now that some (not all) of us have survived the year and the Trump administration/regime, I sum it all up by saying…I haven’t really changed my political opinions….but I have been changed…we haven’t just gone through a political process…. we have experienced Crimes Against Humanity. We must heal what brought us to the huge divide…and turn within to love and protect each other.
As morning broke with the sunrise, it took awhile for the full sun to rise over the cloud bank. The beams of sunlight edging the clouds was more beautiful each time I looked out the window until the majesty of the sun was a bright, blinding orb.
I took some deep breaths of gratitude for my view of the world outside my window.
I make an effort to avoid all of the negative, blaring news about our government, our lack of leadership, our current health crisis, our anger with each other, the ugliness that is in my face every time I turn on the TV or open my IPAD. I’m tired…I’m very tired. But the sunrise this morning reminded me that there is beauty out there…we must just focus on the natural wonders we see and dismiss what does not serve our highest good…onward and upward!
I spend a lot of time either agreeing or disagreeing with other humans. There are times when I’m neutral. But often I say in my head…what are they thinking? What are their demons? What happened to them? More like what the HELL happened to them? Thankfully I’m also able to say, how did I get so lucky with friendships? In spite of the the events in my life that I considered negative at the time, how did I get so lucky? I am grateful for the ability to now recognize Peace of Mind?
Laying in bed trying to get a nap in before work, I was focusing on my chakras because I have been feeling out of alignment…or to be honest…I’m tired, have been experiencing some fear and entertaining bitchy thoughts. While laying there I had the image of an older woman with large, lipstick decorated lips. My thoughts went to what would that be like to have well endowed lips. Would I talk differently, would I enunciate words differently? Would I look in the mirror and notice my beautiful lips first…or would I be focused on thin hair or tired eyes? What would it be like to look different? What would it be like to even have a different heritage…say black or asian? Would I be the same person inside..looking in the mirror but seeing a different face?
Of course I would be a different person inside having different life experiences. But, what if we could trade out bodies for a day? Would I understand the difference? Would I be less judgmental? Would I “get it”? Would I be the same after walking in someone else’s pumps?
My daughter sent THIS ARTICLE to me this morning. The author, Julio Vincent Gambuto, put into words what I’ve been feeling since I CHOSE to Shelter at home prior to the order being handed down from the Governor: “What has happened is inexplicably incredible. It’s the greatest gift ever unwrapped. Not the deaths, not the virus, but The GREAT PAUSE”.
There is no doubt the extreme anxiety experienced across the globe will change our lives…there will be a new normal. There is no doubt people are experiencing many different emotions from distrust of our government and each other to the deep sorrow experienced by loss of health and loss of life. Each one of us will have our own “story” to tell when this is over. I am confident everyone will not write the same narrative of events we are collectively experiencing.
I feel like a deep breath is needed. A deep breath of acceptance because there really is nothing we can do about this individually. And perhaps that is the lesson to be learned here. This is everyone…this is the population of the globe. This is different that anything I have experienced in my lifetime. Is it appropriate to say..we need this. As a society, as a country, as a world, we were living one disaster after another. We are cliques of people hating other cliques of people. We are destroying the earth one plastic milk carton at a time while having no reverence for our lands, our trees and our wildlife.
This is a huge pause. It will make a difference. We will make a difference together once we understand the rules of the game.
After the whale watching expedition….(picture) I was just content knowing I was going to be off the boat in a few minutes, we went to a restaurant nearby…see my across body purse there….Apparently I took it off in the restaurant when I dug out my “no interest for a year”discover card and left it in the booth. I didn’t miss it until the afternoon of the next day. Only thing missing was my wallet, $40, drivers license and my bone conductive ear phones. But my total disappointment was in humanity…the next customer..or the next didn’t take what they wanted and give it to the restaurant or waitress…more likely they hiked it in the trash can. That fact is what was the most horrible detail for me…the inhumanity!
The second picture is a lighthouse way out there..we also saw the little red house that the Wizard of Oz’ Wicked Witch of the west summered in on the peninsula…according to the guide, her family still owns it.
And the last picture I took because were I ever to go back to Boothbay Harbor…I would try to stay in this B&B. Boothbay was a little too busy for us…it was beautiful but the village contained way too many tourist shops. It was a beautiful introduction to Maine!
Or what ever deity you think you are representing, this is a short, yet direct rant to those who take cover under the umbrella of Christian for your bigoted, nasty, painful, critical, hateful beliefs.
For the most part, I question you even attend an organization of formal “religion”, have any idea whatsoever the teachings of the Bible you hold up as a sword or say your prayers before each meal let alone lift up in supplication the needs, pain or love for anyone or anything.
I’ve recently read statements, blogs and Facebook posts from people I know and people I don’t know who use the Christian label to define themselves that have absolutely blown me away. Negative, downright nasty, bigoted, cruel comments have been put out there from electrified fingers on a keyboard. These are not the teachings of Jesus who you exhault as your spiritual leader and in his name. These are the rhetorical bombastic remarks from someone who really only worships self.
There is a huge gap between political conservative-liberal differences and the hateful dialogue spewing from your heart in the name of the God you use as a cloak for your hate.
If you disagree with me or take offense at these words, tell someone that cares…not me. I don’t care what you think.