by Ninasusan

….learning….the life long process

Feeling vulnerable is a natural emotion. I believe whether we have the tenacity to fight this emotion or wear it on our sleeve, we all have differing triggers and degrees of vulnerabilities….I’m not sure if this feeling of being susceptible to being wounded or hurt, open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc. ever goes away. There is something about that inner voice that is always chatting away inside us. I believe the vulnerable emotion’s most important job is just an alert for incoming mortar fire.

Those of us who have been damaged or emotionally injured early in life, perhaps, are more susceptible to understanding we have to take in the information, understand what is happening and learn how to fight these assaults on our well being. Others may be stronger and don’t knowingly listen to the voice while there are those who give into the feelings which brings them to their knees.

I wonder if aggressive personalities, fighters, angry people are just fighting their feelings of vulnerability on the front line. It is often a painful feeling and for self preservation these people feel they are saving themselves…..and on the other end, there is either no fight left or skills have not been honed in order to even understand this emotion and they just give in to being a victim?

Until next time….

08.04.17

by Ninasusan

Figuring out who we are….

Some people are just angry….and we encounter them everyday. Some people wouldn’t show anger if you set their hair on fire…..they would forgive you….or so it seems. Some people, which I believe are the majority fall right in the center…these people are forgiving but given the correct amount of flame can explode…even to the point of irrational anger. As a lifelong armchair psychologist, I’m fascinated with what makes people tick….and generally I make a human evaluation when I encounter someone who fits on either end of the arc, I wonder if they are happy and peaceful and satisfied with their life or are they screaming in their head on a daily basis? DO folks who live their lives red hot not understand there are ways to cool their emotions, perhaps the idea of self discovery and self evaluation never enters their mind….perhaps they are just who they are and have no desire to change. Maybe there was a particular time in their early life where they faced cruelty or violence and/or perhaps they could just have a mental health diagnosis.

……and with a lighter touch. There are people who have a free spirit…their life interaction with others manifests in peace and acceptance and tend to be positive and loving. Others have a deep groove of personal insecurity and must degrade and negatively bash others to make themselves feel secure. Do these personality types inwardly reflect and understand the hateful thread that ties their thoughts and life together?

Until next time…..

08.02.17

by Ninasusan

……and on the topic of traveling alone

On my trip to Des Moines on Tuesday, I was in a really strange place. My spirit felt free yet I was letting fear seep in about the upcoming chest X-ray. I always listen to my music playlist when I’m in the car alone so I decided to crank it up and and fly. THIS was the first song to come up in my shuffle. Re-affirming that we all should be living like we are dying!

I, actually, love a solo road trip. My energy has to take a backseat to no one. I can listen to all of my own music and I can listen to it loud. So I can sing along loud! I think it is important to have a playlist of your very favorite songs and they should include songs that make you want to dance, songs that make you cry, songs that bring back happy memories and songs that bring back memories of someone and always, always some type of anthem songs. I include Rachel Platten and Katy Perry.

I love to drive fast….ahem….always using the speed limit as a “guideline”. I always get attached to a car ahead of me that is going the exact same speed I am. I always wonder if they know I’m back there and if they know we are connected.

Traveling solo gives me the freedom to think. Thoughts that are often lost in the hussle of daily life….and clarity to let your subconcious mind figure things out.

But the best is coming home to where I belong!

I encourage you to listen to this Tim McGraw song….even if country is not your style….listen to the words!

Until next time…..

08.02.17

by Ninasusan

Traveling I-35

When I was attending college in Joplin and actually even before that….when the youth group made visits to Ozark Bible College, just over the Iowa State line is Bethany, Missouri and always seemed to be a stopping point. They used to have an awesome Ice Cream shop there with multiple flavors….before Baskin Robbins! Probably because that was my history, as a family traveling between our home on various vacations, Bethany was always a stopping point. During our transition, traveling and now visits back home, we have a couple of “dives” we enjoy. One in Eagleville, MO and one in Cameron, MO as well as the Toot Toot Restaurant in Bethany.

But….when I’m traveling alone, I stop at the #4 exit at Lamoni, Iowa…the Maid Rite and Amish store. It’s not unusual to share a parking space with one of the black Amish buggies and horses.

Southbound from DES Moines today, I was hoping for hunger…trying to talk myself into being hungry….then finally as I got closer about an hour later, I decided …..I’m stopping whether I’m hungry or not because of this

Maid-Rites are an Iowa staple….also known as loose meat burgers made famous by The Rosanne show. The Amish store Maid-Rites are very large, very satisfying….perfection! They also have very tasty meal-on-their-own shakes and malts.

I bought some Amish garlic sweet pickles and corn relish. They carry a little bit of everything …many things are Amish made….including rugs, quilts and wooden items.