I had a dream last night that I inadvertently ran into a group of girls I went to high school with…they were all friends with each other – I was on the fringe..we went to a mall of restaurants. The old friend that i probably knew the best seemed to want to catch up with me so we sat down at a table and talked…the rest of the group went somewhere else. When she and I decided we needed to find the group, we searched each little cubbyhole of restaurants and finally found two of them walking hand in hand toward the bathroom and were directed to where the group was sitting. Upon taking my seat, I suggested that we go around the table and introduce ourselves and briefly talk about our lives after high school. They told me to go first. Everyone seemed to listen..one person questioned why I thought it was important to tell how old my girls were because they were obviously older than the last time we had seen each other. When I was through, everyone went back to talking about “things” and no one else shared about their history.
Which leads me into:
I’m a curious sort…old friends, new friends…I want to connect and know about them. I ask questions because I want to know what makes them tick, what they think, what their life has been like, do we have things in common, do we have friends in common with 6 degrees of separation. I don’t really like small talk. If we are going to talk, I want to talk about things that matter.
At one time in my life, I was part of a group of people who would naturally seem like they would care about me. I can remember sitting around and listening to story after story from a couple of them about their lives, their jobs, the people they work with, every mundane thing that occurred during their week. No one really asked questions. Everyone just sat around and listened. I attempted to ask questions every now and then to show an interest but they didn’t seem to need to know I was interested so I retreated. I couldn’t figure out why no one ever asked me a question…not about my opinion but asked me questions to get to know me. Even questions about my job as a 911 dispatcher. I, obviously, had the most exciting job of all of them and no one cared enough to even say…what was your most interesting call, what was your hardest call or basically – what is it that you do? I’ve worked through the bitter ballerina phase although occasionally it rears its ugly head.
Am I just overly curious about people….or do people just not care about other people. I’m not sure why it just doesn’t seem important to others to make a connection with other people? Am I wrong? or is it just me?
Until next time…..
Ninasusan 
Interesting post.
i think most ppl are just busy and/ or preoccupied. Their thinking about what’s next on their agenda for the day or what their daughter said to them that morning. The world is in a hurry, ppl have a hard time slowing down and being present.
But a couple of other things spring to mind as well. I come from a family where half of them will tell you their life story and want to know yours. They will ask questions you wouldn’t believe. The other half comes from old school where we don’t ask too many questions, because it’s being nosy and rude. So you don’t express your opinion too openly or talk about yourself too much because it’s also rude and selfish. I am more like the first group but because the second one is always in a corner of my brain, I often wonder if I’m crossing a line or worried that I will. Which can tend to shut me up quickly.
Kinda like writing a comment on fb (or here), then deleting it because I talked too much or asked too many questions.
I’m pretty sure that’s why i had a hidden blog for a long time.
Now having said all that, I have some aquaintances and relatives who are so fake that I simply don’t like them. So I will go to great lengths to avoid asking them anything. And I inwardly groan a little when someone else does because what they’re going to say is so superficial, ridiculous and most of the time not even true. I also avoid telling them anything as well. I’ll answer honestly if they ask me something, but it’s straight to the point and that’s that.
Maybe it just comes down to a real connextion. You either have one or you don’t and the older we get, the less we force that kinda thing.
I love blogs that make me think. Even when I think as i’m typing. Thanks for letting me share or maybe over share…I’m never sure. 😀
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I was just about to say thank you to Nina for such a thought provoking blog. 🙂
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Nina – this is one of things I absolutely love about you. I love how you ask questions. I on the other hand am always worried about being intrusive so I tend not to ask so many questions because I am always worried that people will think I am being nosy.
I really would love a girls get together to talk. Sigh…
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I worry about that all the time too MaryBeth. Especially with Nina. Do you worry more with Nina than you do with me, or is it just a me thing?
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People are different with their difficult stuff. I think the difference between you and Nina is that Nina finds it more therapeutic to get it out and you have a harder time letting it out so for that reason I feel more like I need to wait until you are ready whereas with Nina it seems she is ready to hash it all out.
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I think you are correct, Tracy! I knew this about you.
We obviously have that huge curiosity connection….and deflection was spot on. hadn’t thought about that!
Do you think us bloggers blog so we can talk about ourselves? Interesting take. I hadn’t thought of that one. I blog for so many reasons – I guess the knowledge that I blog to get stuff out my fall under the heading that I just need to talk about myself??
How did I get so lucky in 2007 to find you?
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Oh, I think we know who is the lucky one here.
I absolutely started blogging because I really had no one to talk to the way I needed to talk.
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I can only answer this by going on and on about me. So I will.
I am naturally curious. I want to know things about people. When I find someone interesting, and willing to answer questions I will ask until I get bored, get side-tracked, or decide that I am probably being rude. I learned a long time ago that people like to talk about themselves and rarely get a chance to have people listen to them, I think it’s because we spend so much time just being busy that people rarely feel listened to anymore so when they get a chance to talk about themselves they will. Not all people. Some people talk about themselves because they have nothing else to talk about.
I will also make people talk about themselves as a way of deflection. If I am uncomfortable, or I don’t want the conversation to turn to anything personal about me, I will ask questions of people that I know will spin them off into a conversation. I am very smart, and I notice things so I am very very good at making people do what I want without them knowing I have done this.
I think you share all of the above characteristics as well. I am not positive because I have not gotten to spend a lot of time face to face with you and and it’s not the same in writing. I do not think all people are like this.
I worry because sometimes I am so needy, I want someone to ask me the right questions, so I can talk and talk and talk, that I think people will think I don’t care about them. I think we also all do that. We being our particular group of people who talk to each other through blogs. We need an outlet sometimes and we need it to be about us, sometimes to the exclusion of interaction with other people.
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This keeps rolling over in my mind. I feel like i’m on the verge of making some a..ha sound about those of us who blog? Not there yet…
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I think….people are uncomfortable. I’ve come to see that a lot of people I run into are just not comfortable sharing much about themselves. Even within our own family we have familial “strangers” who share nothing of their lives with us. I find it so odd and uncomfortable – because when I get going, I’ll tell you everything about me and my life whether you asked or not! :-D. I think it’s an intimacy problem, and I’m not sure why – or where it came from or what perpetuates it. It is odd for sure!
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