It’s a Wednesday – I just wonder how my friends are doing…all of my friends …. but especially those of you who have been struggling…

Last night, I watched Oprah’s interview with Whitney Houston’s family that I had recorded.  The thought that kept going thru my mind is that we never know what demons someone close to you might be fighting.  It is very personal, it may or may not be visible to others, but most importantly…we must fight our own one can do it for us and money and success is not an insulator.

I have talked before about the incredible men and women who volunteer their lives for volunteer fire departments.  They are heros living right next to you that are willing to risk their lives and screw up their family Christmas to help you.  I have not previously mentioned the men and women who volunteer to be reserve police officers – these are the folks who are willing to train on their own time, work on their own time and risk their lives on their own time to backup professional police officers.  I would say it is a more thankless job than being a volunteer firefighter…I’ve been there – I’ve done it…I cannot tell you what the draw is…but thankfully there are men and women willing to do it.  I taught a computer certification class to several of them last night – they should have received more than a little piece of paper acknowledging their huge accomplishment. 

That’s about all I have to talk about today…

Until next time….

I think one of the things I enjoy about age – the things I can talk about publicly anyway – is the wisdom…hahahahaha
…..and at this age, everyone is eager to hear your opinions…hahahahaha

This bolt of lightening thought came to me as I was responding to a post @atticusfin where I was stating my opinions about huge expensive weddings…  Contrary to popular belief, I do not expound on every opinion that I have – just the ones that I give a lot of thought to…like prepositions…what has happened to me – I loved english and I knew and know that you are absolutely not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition…in fact my grammar is just a screamin’ outrage…grammar?  What about my spelling…I used to be the go to person for spelling – now I have to ask people how to spell words…words that I type out and they don’t look right – yet, sometimes they are….they are what?  They are right…another huge issue I have is dropping sentences…I find myself not finishing sentences when I know that the person being talked to knows what I’m talking about…in some situations, it is because some of the people I talk to regularly can just finish my sentences for me……… what has happened to punctuation or the overabundance of punctuation???? know what I mean….I write like I talk ,……..   ……….is the ending of my sentences or thought.  Why do we use emoticons…I used to think it was the hazard of not being a good writer ….. you know….you have to emoticon what you are feeling or the reader doesn’t figure it out…well then perhaps you need to change the way you write…but then who needs more descriptions…I’m so used to email language – short, sweet 😉 no salutations – no adorable sign-offs…I at least like to sign off with N….

Now, what was I talking about?

56….closer to 60 than 50….. What this means to me is I cannot waste another minute of this life on the past…

On a disturbing note, I just read that my ortho doc, whom is not in Newton anymore, is going before the disciplinary board because of sexual misconduct with 4 women….my first thought was….I was his patient during that time and he didn’t make any inappropriate moves on me….HEY…nothing like a self esteem UNboost….sorry to anyone who may be a victim of a perverted doctor, but who are these doctors…they are supposed to be professionals for crying out loud. They have prepared for this career for years. Why would they throw it all away for copping a feel. This doc had a great bedside manner (she said tongue-in-cheek) and was very nice looking. WTH?

We are going to go swimming in the hotel pool. Don’t think he is over excited about it but he said he would go down there with me. We are shopping with Jenny this afternoon then who knows. Told them I want Chicago style pizza for my birthday supper, but no one wants to drive to Chicago….ya, I know…a corner Brown joke BOO

Until next time……..

A day of reflection

I haven’t been to therapy for a couple of months – I”m trying to go it alone and slow this “driven” mind down by just using the equipment I have been given.  I think I understand why some people are driven to accomplish at all costs and some people do what is necessary and then relax and enjoy life.  It has to do with what drives your anxiety.  I happen to be one of those people who doesn’t sit down and relax because there are things to do and the whirlwind, constant do-this-do-that is more relaxing to me than the anxiety of my body sitting down while my mind continues the constant whirlwind of what I need to get done.  It’s kind of an ugly place to be.  It has been suggested that this is something I need to work on one day at a time with some self talk but when I do that I”m just miserable.  Intellectually, I can’t figure out why getting this stuff done is so important.  I’m talking about things that in 10 years,  actually in 10 months, won’t make a difference.

While I”m up descaling the Tassimo, putting bills and paperwork away, cleaning the kitchen, putting a load of laundry in the washer and taking a load out, he’s calmly sitting on the couch surrounded by the critters watching tv without a thought in the world…totally relaxed…at least I think so.  This used to totally piss me off…totally, to the irrational rage stage…THERE ARE THINGS TO BE DONE WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE AND LETTING ME DO EVERYTHING.  Then it occurred to me that him sitting on the couch is his right and choice, just as I am making the choice to do whatever it is I”m doing.  It’s not like he is a lump that doesn’t do anything because he certainly does more housework than most husbands I’ve heard about – as well as doing the cooking and grocery shopping.  So I am not complaining about him.  I’m totally frustrated with this nut and bolt that I need to adjust in my own life.

That’s it.