It’s the afternoons that kill me

This time around in my “normal” weight quest…and I use that term without the slightest idea what it really is…I’ve been trying to figure out why I eat. Unfortunately, I know that I have a long painful road to recovery. When I was a child, I ate when I got home from school out of boredom. Helen worked..as she told me..not because she had to because we could live on Daddy’s paycheck but just so that you – meaning me – could have all of the nice things I have. GUILT. She had her own schedule..always an excuse why she couldn’t get to work until 09:20 at the law office…and she couldn’t get home until 5:30 or 6:30…I couldn’t go outside and play when I got home from school, nor could I have friends in the house..so I ate. She used to hide cookies from me…that was a huge quest for me. She was never as good at hiding as I was at finding. Lots of guilt there when I would eat the hidden cookies then be interrogated later about where they went. Well, where in the hell do you think they went…Then when she would get home, she would force me to eat whatever she ate…because…I filled up with junk food when I got home from school and that was no reason not to eat a good meal with her.

I truly believe that is my problem…and it is probably the topic I should revisit in therapy next week. I have found that I can intellectually know a lot of things about myself..but when it comes to the emotions that drive my psyche, I’m helpless. I used to believe that therapy could be accomplished talking to a good friend…and that does help…but a therapist..at least my Lisa…gets in there and digs..then I have to have a week, 2 weeks, whatever to let my subconscious decipher just what garbage I dug up. Eating seems to be the topic that I, obviously, have not gotten deep enough. I think one of the issues is: I KNOW I’M ANGRY… haven’t made it over the edge to peaceful. I will get there.

On my journey, I’ve discovered that afternoons are as dangerous as homemade bread, peanut butter, honey and glazed donuts. With this reality thought this morning, I wonder if I’ve actually jumped another hurdle. When I’m home alone, I’m very strong in the mornings…I eat only because I’m hungry… dinner and before bed, I usually like some type of sweet snack after supper…but I”m not a big before bed eater like “he” is. But afternoon….all I can think about is food…everything I do, including those activities that usually make it difficult to eat while doing, I think about snacks…something there…just need to think it thru a little more.

Still evolving.

Until next time…

It’s just a fact

Some men, who think they are dominant in every department over women, just irritate the hell out of me…I suppose if you read this literally…that would be a good thing…but trust me…it is not!!!!

First – there are those men who call me honey, dear, my dear or babe on the phone that makes me want to reach thru the phone and knock them on their condescending ass. (I mean, really, why sugarcoat it..that is what I want to do) LITTERALLY.

Then there are the men who call and either tell me what I should do or what I’m gonna do which makes me want to reach thru the phone and knock them on their condescending ass.

Then there are the men who are condescending and don’t listen because how could I possibly know what I’m talking about and that makes me want to reach thru the phone…you probably already know.

Case in point. I’ll start with the end. We came home from Kansas City last night and the rear passenger tire on my truck in the driveway is flat. Now…I really should not have to deal with this except there was a man who thought I didn’t know what I was talking about, ignored me, explained to me what was really wrong and sent me on my way. Oh..I swear I wanted to knock him on his ass..bu,t not more than I did when we pulled into the drive last night.

For the last few weeks, when I drive at speeds higher than say 45…my tire pressure FAULT light comes on. If it were a tire pressure light – I would get out and check the pressure in my tires…but it is a FAULT light. Two days ago, while I was driving…my tire pressure light came on…when I arrived home, I asked “him” to check the air in my tires..sure enough 1 of them was a little low…so when I took my car into the local Ford garage for maintenance..I told them that I needed an oil change – that the belt was squeaking again the way it has the last 5 times I’ve had it in the shop for repair – that the tire pressure FAULT light comes on when I drive over “say 45” and that the other day my tire pressure light came on and my husband checked it and I obviously have a nail in it because it needed air.

When I picked up the car, he said there was no nail or no flat…that they put air in the tire and the tire pressure light went off…at that point, I knew this wasn’t going to be the end, but I didn’t want to match wits with an unarmed man..so now I have a flat tire on the rear passenger side, the tire pressure light will probably go on and I’ll bet you a box of idiot lights (and I use the term loosely) that when I drive oh say, 45..that the tire pressure FAULT light will come on. Did I mention that the next day when we picked up Phil’s truck at the same local Ford garage that they did fix his low tire but he was sure to mark on the receipt that customer said the TIRE PRESSURE FAULT light came on but customer doesn’t have a Tire Pressure Default light…and just for his edification – had he had a tire pressure sensor, with a flat tire, his FAULT light would not have come on…it would have been his tire pressure light indicating he had an, in fact, low tire. It just makes me want to knock him on his ass!

…and if that is the only problem I have to complain about today…it is a good day.

Until next time…..