The other day when I was feeling mentally skewed, I was contemplating “when does life begin”…not in the conception-abortion-birth question..just life..when do I quit thinking, planning and obsessing about life and just live it?  Does everyone do this or just me.  When I look back on my life, I have only a few regrets…one of them is that I was always so uptight about things that I frequently took any available joy right out of it.  I have, over the years, evaluated what I thought “his” life was like…he always said he didn’t worry about anything because it didn’t do any good..he said he could just stop thinking about things…WHAT…I realize there are male/female rolls in life .. who does the mowing and who does the vacuuming…and in the past I was tense because I didn’t feel that I could just sit on the couch and relax and let be whatever needed to be…I always had “women’s” chores to do and/or raising female children…I also spent way too much time thinking,worrying and trying to be worthy of love from my parents…I worried, I stewed, I was totally disappointed in myself that I couldn’t let things go….

Now..many years later…I still worry..maybe apprehensive is a better word…a have little motivation to do anything where I have to leave home…for the most part, I have to psych myself up in order to do anything away from home…I want to just do it – not think about it – not worry about it – not have to plan for it or plan what is going to happen afterward…How do I just relax and roll with it?