I have worked 2 fatal accidents in the last week and a half…they always send me into an analytical process…the one last week, the deputy came across not too long after it happened – the car was upside down…she lived for a few days but in the end, there was nothing that human could do to save her life in any form.  This morning’s early morning accident probably happened around 2am but was not found until about 6:50…the man and woman were dead at the scene…I have heard that the couple was out celebrating an anniversary.

I have been working this job for so long that I am no longer shocked about what people do to each other.  I, quite frankly, think there are a lot more sociopaths out there than diagnosed.  Seems accountability and conscience are missing from a lot of folks…either than or there are a lot of drug addled minds out there that should scare the hell out of all of us! 

But what about these accident victims.  Who tells the families…do they already know from sudden awakening at night…what was the relationship when they were last together..are there regrets..do you know when you are going to die or are you just paralyzed by the trauma you think is coming…if you live through the trauma, do things kick-in your brain to calm you or do you feel terror…do you think you are going to die or do you always maintain hope that someone will help you.

Very morbid thoughts – but thoughts that always go thru my mind when I, as the 911 dispatcher, gets mixed up in someone’s life or their death.  Everyone of them leaves a large imprint on my psych..I’ll never forget the morning at 5am I had two emergency calls – one ear were some folks who had a baby not breathing and the other ear was an elderly lady who was having a heart attack….a dispatcher absolutely cannot think about the ramifications of this type of situation, we just react and respond..almost by rote.  I remember it was suggested that this taped situation be played for the Board of Supervisors who govern the county in order to be able to hire more dispatchers…but some thought it was too graphic for someone not in the business to listen to.  WHAT….AND I REPEAT WHAT…it is too graphic for 3 old men who make decision on a daily basis that affect peopls lives but they can’t hear what happens if they make the wrong decision based on their priorities.  Oh Please.