I’m not exactly sure where I’ve drawn from to make it between March 9 to June 9….kidney cancer diagnosis day to scheduled surgery day.  I’ve had two “on the ledge” days where I had to lean on someone else to make it through the agonizing fear and the sobs….and I will say the extra special diagnosis of a diverticulitis abscess which also could have killed me had me literally dragging one foot behind the other…but right now…today…sitting on the deck with a breeze which threatens the table umbrella.  I’m doing well!

I’ve learned that I am misunderstood by family.  I am the only one actually sitting here with kidney cancer slowly growing in my left kidney.  But, I’m realizing the impact this cancer has on the psych of my family and friends.  I learned from a very young age from my Dad that you try to plan for every possibility.  While I realize, and I’m sure he did, that this is really not possible, I think the process is very important.

As I go about my day, I think of things I need to do to prepare me for surgery…other than sending good, happy vibes to the surgeon and/or his robotic friend.  At this point, I still don’t know if they will be able to take it laparoscopically or if they will have to open me up…this decision won’t be made until they are in….but my care and life after surgery will not be the same depending on the treatment….so I plan ahead.  I have to have in my mind where to get an abdominal wrap, whether I will be down 1 week or 6, I want him to know where the passwords are…what bills are paid automatically, will I have to go back and forth to Des Moines for after care.  I ask these questions out loud and roll them off the brains of those close to me.  They perhaps interpret that I’m worried.  I’m not worried.  I’m optimistic, I’m confident and I’m preparing, I’m actually feeling strong mentally and physically….And if there is a hitch in the plan.  We all will deal with it!

until next time….