I finished my first journal of morning pages 4 months and 4 days after I started it in February. My last line was “I’ve worked through a lot of shit”!
While eating lunch today, feeling a blog coming on….what I really mean is…eating an exquisitely prepared bacon and tomato sandwich and feeling the “need” to write something, I had a revelation!
During my “sharing” at my very first Word Shine meeting, my share included the fact that I had been writing a blog nearly daily for 12 years….I described it as a very unpolished blog that I had seemed compelled to write. In retrospect, I realize that my blogs were a cathartic, hang-on-to-that-last-knot, morning pages. They were an attempt at the time to get this shit out of my head and attempt to think straight through the very heavy baggage I was carrying! My way was to instinctively sort through things first thing in the morning through writing long before I realized it was helping me sort!
The huge payout for me, other than the obvious healing, was the number of people who commented either publicly or privately….friends, acquaintances and strangers who followed my blogs. I knew that in some way I was putting things out there that a lot of people were also struggling to figure out. Comments helped me figure out if I was on the right track or if I needed to go back and take the different direction at the intersection.
In case you haven’t heard about Morning Pages…here’s the book that has guided me the last 4 months.
The beauty, release and growth in ah-ha moments is breathtaking! It was a Monday night in June after a particularly difficult (for me) spirit group discussion, a nights sleep that I don’t recall dreaming, and morning pages with my green gel ink pen that the honest truth came vomiting out!
The actual details are unimportant to anyone else, the information to be shared is my unwavering belief that i have been living in fear, uncertainty about my future, and a level of angst about my past. The illusion that i am controlling my life is just an illusion and what I am really saying is I’m afraid of the unknown. So many scary and sad things have happened to me in the past that I must control my future in order to be happy and protect myself. All illusion.
One tool to use to aid in figuring this stuff out is morning pages. Committing to writing in long hand…not on the computer…3 pages every morning. These should be written in a binder or in a notebook that only you will see. My intention is to burn my current journal because there are things I’ve written that I NO WAY want anyone else to read. This should not be in dear diary form although there are no wrongs for what works for you to get the juices flowing. The is not a recollection of yesterday’s adventures, what you did or what you ate…although what ate you might be more significant. The only rule is you write down what is in your mind at the moment and then build on it because that is how the thoughts work in our head. 3 pages….every morning. If this process intrigues you, check out Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way”.
Until next time….