Mansplaining. (not for the faint of heart)

For 6 decades I have endured conversations with men who were hell bent on explaining things to me about things I know more about than they do. Like woman things or let’s say folks on the other side of my profession aka the other side of the radio explaining my job or just things in general like explaining down to me as if I were just a potato? I always protected myself and them by just thinking to myself…ahhh, small dick.

Over the years, He has mansplained to me and quite frankly, I have also talked AT him the nuances of life. It’s just what couples do…at least we do. For the most part one of us will just glaze over…or if a nerve is hit, there could be some raised voices and hurt feelings.

Today, I received a phone call from a woman who was a manager at Orkin…she wanted to come out and review our appointment with them last May…mostly about how well they served by eliminating our insect problem. Sure…at least I don’t have to fill out a survey on line because quite, frankly, on a scale of 0 to 10 surveys has become a 2nd career for me. I told Him that the person coming out was a woman…he said, great…somebody who won’t mansplain. After that comment, I realized yes, I would marry him again.

We are doing a lot of ego work in the book studies we do at Unity. We are ripe with recognizing when our ego is controlling us. That’s not to say we are enlightened but it does mean, in this situation, that He…the man…helped me to understand what mansplaining really is…not to bash on men because we all have tremendous egos that need recognizing…but mansplaining may just be a symptom of insecurity and protection because they may be feeling unloveable, inadequate or not measuring up?!?

I hope I can recognize the beating drum of fear we all experience instead of judging someone as pompous or arrogant with small genitalia. I’m learning….

Or I’m blinded by the steam escaping from my head

I started off my Morning Pages arguing the woulda, shoulda, coulda theory of my life. I think I’m still following “someone” else’s rules…rules that have a home in my ego….rules that I haven’t seen to fit to challenge with the board of directors in my brain!

Today is not the first day I’ve argued that I am very content sitting on the deck, drinking my coffee, plotting death to the cicadas having the intention that I will do nothing today other than read and make notes (bulletpoint notes) about How do I go about killing cicadas).

VS

OMG someday I will be 80 (insert number) and I won’t be able to get around as well and I will regret the decision I made on August 9 2019 at 0900 to just do nothing…what is wrong with me that I don’t want to do anything…everyone else is out there living productive lives and here I sit on my deck doing nothing!

There is a heepa lotta attachment here to shoulda! Then…I thought….I read a lot of books and attend classes each week on changing my thinking….quieting ego thinking and making decisions through the divine spirit in me….keeping my vibrations high, the value of meditating….and I can’t make peace with myself to be content right now…just being in the moment? Right here….right now!

I may just be overthinking…spending too much time outside my head and letting my ego cause me to be off center and causing the energy I’m using on something that doesn’t even deserve a conversation blind me by the steam this useless activity is creating.

Until next time….