I finished my first journal of morning pages 4 months and 4 days after I started it in February. My last line was “I’ve worked through a lot of shit”!
While eating lunch today, feeling a blog coming on….what I really mean is…eating an exquisitely prepared bacon and tomato sandwich and feeling the “need” to write something, I had a revelation!
During my “sharing” at my very first Word Shine meeting, my share included the fact that I had been writing a blog nearly daily for 12 years….I described it as a very unpolished blog that I had seemed compelled to write. In retrospect, I realize that my blogs were a cathartic, hang-on-to-that-last-knot, morning pages. They were an attempt at the time to get this shit out of my head and attempt to think straight through the very heavy baggage I was carrying! My way was to instinctively sort through things first thing in the morning through writing long before I realized it was helping me sort!
The huge payout for me, other than the obvious healing, was the number of people who commented either publicly or privately….friends, acquaintances and strangers who followed my blogs. I knew that in some way I was putting things out there that a lot of people were also struggling to figure out. Comments helped me figure out if I was on the right track or if I needed to go back and take the different direction at the intersection.
In case you haven’t heard about Morning Pages…here’s the book that has guided me the last 4 months.
When I blog, it is almost guaranteed that I have some passion behind it. After lots of soul searching and therapy, I have lots of positive passion now compared to, say, my blogs of 2009 when I blogged more out of desperation to find air space somewhere because I knew I wasn’t going to make it up to the top of the lake.
The passion in my blogs usually comes from something I’ve been thinking about for some time and I’m ready to discuss AND I want to know what others think – whether they agree or disagree – I want to know. There are very few times when I haven’t considered a different perspective. I love the art of deep thinking. I also blog as a way to get my life and my thoughts down in black and white, so to speak. May I humbly say for the next generations? As I spend countless hours lost in genealogy, I am left so sad by not knowing the details. How many times I have thought to myself – why didn’t I ask my dad this or that. My life, my thought process and my perception of events are there for my family when they fly in to earth in their space car.
Yesterday’s blog, What labeled pigeon hole do I fit in?, came from lots of thinking and reading about introverts and extroverts. While I really don’t like labels for the most part, I am kind of obsessed with knowing that I’m normal…and, of course, normal being a label that probably requires a heavy black magic marker line. I did get some feedback on the in/ex question – especially an informative little TED talk that he sent me from You Tube last night. Then Ground Hog told me he though perhaps I was omnivert which sent me immediately to google where I was hooked up with another WordPress bloggess. I’ve only read one of her posts but I think I’m going to like her theories.
My best conversation, though, also with groundhog was about my blog about religion and the bible. He and I are several miles apart in our beliefs and biblical convictions….Random Sunday Morning. A healthy dialogue between the two of us felt really good. I think we both knew that it was not going to change either of our minds…but I loved the give and take. The argument. The agreeing to disagree that we have always had about nearly every topic…
So I leave you today with the challenge…if you have something to say about what I write, I want to know. I love a good discussion and the only thing I will not tolerate is disrespect.
Until next time….