Category Archives: books

05.31.24
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There does not need to be a plan for everything

I have accepted the fact that I have a split personality…which means I plan for every eventuality while moving through life hopping on the “unplanned” train rails.

We recently made a lifestyle change to lease an apartment in another state for a year…it was totally the right choice to make. I recognize that at our age this may appear to be extreme; but falls into the thinking…if I’m not happy should I just continue to wallow or make a different decision and move on? Where I seem to be on the learning curve is to JUST STOP THINKING and not already question the next move forward. I know that the next moment will take care of itself if I listen within. (how often have I been hampered by the ‘learned fear’ of my upbringing vs the freedom of the knowledge that all things will work out when I release my need to control everything).

That being said….We made the decision to make this lifestyle change…okay honestly…we were able to make this lifestyle change because it seemed like each step in our thought process had a question and the solution in the same sentence. My contentment, my sleep, my frame of mind, my happiness is all thanks to the unplanned ‘riding the rails’ mode of travel. But my fear of the unknown voice pops in too often ..what happens when the year is up, what if I want to stay, are we wasting money, is this “right” decision actually a “wrong” decision…..and why do I think I must have a judge and jury outside of myself to decide the verdict.

Over the last 16 years, this blog has taken me from the depths of despair to where I am at this train depot. This is me actually ‘putting it down on paper’ which helps me work through it…similar to #JuliaCameron #morningpages in #TheArtist’sWay.

For this moment, I just am!

10.19.20
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…..finally the release

The emotional explosion which has been simmering on a level, I was not even aware of, occurred yesterday around 10:30 AM.

Woke up knowing it was the birthday of one of my best- friends-ever who transitioned in 2010. Felt the first tear on my cheek while searching for a couple of pictures of him to post on Facebook for my yearly birthday reminder to all that love him. We most often spent his birthday week at marching band festivals because he was the high school band director…but most importantly we usually spent some part of a couple these weeks in October with him camping and fly fishing.

In Chapter 6 in the the book Embracing Uncertainty, Susan Jeffers talks about her heros….including concentration camp survivor, Viktor Frankl and spiritual teacher and stroke survivor, Ram Dass. Again I thought of Brett…the person in my life who gave me the courage to just be me. Rev Erin, in her weekly message using the hero chapter in Jeffers book, took the story to a personal level for each of us. Sharing her life experiences with her own heros and encouraging us…the congregants… to become aware of the hero’s in our lives and recognize what we learned and what we honor in those heros. Finally using that wisdom in our own lives… absorbing it into our consciousness sharing it/them with the world.

And there it was. The finger was removed from the hole in the dam as I was able to finally experience the grief I have been feeling since becoming aware of the COVID 19 virus. The sadness I had been feeling all week. The sadness and anger I’m feeling about missing the usual activities of spring, summer and fall… missing my family, my children and grandchildren, not seeing friends….the loss of so many opportunities as well as the anger about the division in our country .. the fear I have felt off and on because of the incredible death and destruction in so many lives…

While this explosion of emotion was not pleasant at the time, I recognize the peace that came from experiencing it….letting it come…sitting with the pain in my heart until I was able to become silent.

namaste

03.26.20
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You have been told who you are

We…He and I….have been making our way through the Paul Selig series of books for a couple of years by taking advantage of book studies (Spirit Groups) on Thursday nights. In that group we have advanced to the Book of Mastery which is kicking my butt. He and I have also started the series over and are reading it together at 10 each morning. Some mornings we don’t get a lot read because we end up in conversation. It probably doesn’t need to be stated that either/or is ok. We are learning a lot from each other and about each other.

Last week I highlighted these paragraphs in the second book of the series, Love and Creation.

Now this has to do with constructs and self-identification, and this is important to understand. You have been told who you were ever since you were born. And you have been told what you looked like compared to other people, how you ranked on a scale of success or worth through external things; you have chosen to abide by these things as if they were real because you have moved into accordance with them, indoctrinated into them, and gone into agreement with them.

“Of course I am this, I am told I am this.” Well listen, everybody, you’ve been listening to who you were as described by others since you were old enough to comprehend the idea that you were this thing that you were told. So why not rally around this?

Because I’ve already read the Love and Creation Book and the succeeding book, Knowing and Worth, I’m learning how to work through these life domestications. It’s listening to my inner self, learning and accepting what I’m hearing and then making choices every day to heal myself! Sometimes it’s hard not to revisit when the monkey mind takes over..but I’m finding that having a “personal method” of quieting the monkeys helps me to remain in my knowing of myself.

Namaste