Monthly Archives: August 2020

08.14.20
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The answers I seek

Being brought up in a “heavy handed” discipline environment, I learned my lessons well. I have grown out of the need to berate my parent(s)for their personal rules of discipline. They were teaching me the way they were taught and perhaps with a little mental illness in the mix. With that being said, I think the lessons we learn as children seem to manifest in our adult life like somehow they are hard wired in us. The phrases that slip through my lips…Why can’t I stop thinking that, why do I keep doing this, why am I so judgmental, I thought I had dealt with this……..

Last night I woke up a lot and each time I had the thought…what is wrong with me…why can’t I overcome this sleep issue…

This is when I realized that perhaps I need to give it a rest. Perhaps I need to take a vacation from my need to dig a little deeper to find the source of this unknown, unrecognized anxiety. Perhaps I need to take in to my heart the advice I freely give to others. Believe you are exactly who you are supposed to be! Personal perfection is an illusion. The freedom I seek is already mine…I will find my peace through the gratitude of the love and light around me. Peace be still.

Namaste

08.13.20
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Pretend Sunshine is called for today

I tell you that if the overcast skies prohibit shining sun today, I’m just going to fake it. I actually come from gratitude that we are receiving an abundance of rain during this late summer month…so there’s that. I’m watching him outside mowing right now…its mid morning and he just stopped to wipe sweat from under his glasses so that doesn’t bide well for outdoor activity.

Love and Light to my friends and family in Iowa recovering from the huge storm…I guess the Weather Service is calling this a Derecho…WHAT? I say we call it what it is … a huge storm. Most are saying its the worst storm they have ever been through…and the “most” in that sentence are people over the 1/2 century age…

We saw real people yesterday…a couple of our favorite people met us for an outside lunch (social distanced with masks and face shields. I finally removed my face shield because I continued to stab it with a fork) It felt so good to talk, laugh and see them face to face! We also saw the grandsons last night…Jenny and Justin brought supper that we enjoyed on the deck until sundown. The boys played inside a lot, revisiting their toys and loving on the cats…

So much gratitude…I really don’t even realize how mundane my life is until I’m awakened by the love and laughs of others sharing my same space.

Until next time….

08.08.20
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And THEN he actually said….

Do you want to keep this box?

I gave him the look that had only previously been used when I learned that he had discarded the lids to my stash of cool whip containers.

The only reason he asks now has to do with a very traumatic event (for him) which happened last year. I had been saving “good” cardboard boxes in a corner of the basement to put “for thrift store” items in. Lo and freeking behold, when I went to the basement to retrieve a box, the basement was empty of boxes…..WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHY DO YOU THINK I SAVED THOSE BOXES ONE INSIDE THE OTHER?

We used to live in an A frame house that he built. Along both sides there were cubby holes and in one little corner, I had hoarded many, many, many Christmas present boxes. The next two house to house moves we made, that collection dwindled. I still feel the loss. The feeling that all is well with the world when I would see my stack of department store boxes which had been dutifully handed out by clerks from the stash behind the checkout counter during Christmas shopping season.

Because of my love for stacks of empty boxes, I giggled with satisfaction when this meme showed up on my Facebook wall last week.

Box people unite…I love you, I would be so “in” to be invited to a cardboard box Facebook group.

Until next time….

08.07.20
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Go ahead and feel it

I’ve always been confused because I feel intimidated and embarrassed when I recognize those tears of emotion bubbling up. Its a societal taboo … a very unhealthy teaching learned at an early age..DON’T BE A CRY BABY. I believe that in my situation, I learned not to cry in front of a parent who was not always stable so I would appear strong. I thought I needed to appear fearless.

I read a very helpful opinion from The Tiny Buddha this morning. Here’s the article

It is exactly what I needed to read at the moment. Funny how that happens.

What I am learning so many decades later is when emotions are avoided, the feelings don’t go away but are just saved in a box somewhere in the soul. Each time we avoid feeling the feels, the contents of the box continue to grow until it bursts apart and we feel like we are falling apart. Often the reaction manifests as anger..blowing up…head blowing open…words are said…feelings are hurt…there is guilt..into the guilt box goes that emotion.

What I’m learning is to feel the emotion. When my nose starts to tingle and I feel the liquid love in my eyes, I’m allowing myself to take that moment… I need to take this call of emotion right now. I don’t want it go to voicemail because eventually that box will be full. I will feel overwhelmed which will bring on another emotion that I will stuff in yet another overflowing box.

Just feel when its time to feel. We were delivered with this emotional release…for most of us, it is the very first emotional explosion that followed our entry into this lifetime.

Namaste

08.06.20
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Morning has broken

As morning broke with the sunrise, it took awhile for the full sun to rise over the cloud bank. The beams of sunlight edging the clouds was more beautiful each time I looked out the window until the majesty of the sun was a bright, blinding orb.

I took some deep breaths of gratitude for my view of the world outside my window.

I make an effort to avoid all of the negative, blaring news about our government, our lack of leadership, our current health crisis, our anger with each other, the ugliness that is in my face every time I turn on the TV or open my IPAD. I’m tired…I’m very tired. But the sunrise this morning reminded me that there is beauty out there…we must just focus on the natural wonders we see and dismiss what does not serve our highest good…onward and upward!

Namaste

08.02.20
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Connecting with old people

This afternoon I received a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize… normally I wouldn’t answer but today I did….

It was a phone call from Bill….we were classmates elementary through high school. We have not see each other for 45+ years although years ago we became friends on Facebook and his posts about old bands often makes me nostalgic and his “Bill” posts often make me snicker. His wife and I were also friends but we had lost touch after high school so I had no idea that during those lost years she and Bill hooked up and have been living happily ever after.

Bill didn’t want anything in particular today…said he was just sitting around drinking beer and calling old friends… Lori explained later on Facebook that Bill had in fact called a lot of us …. he started at 11 am and ended when it was time for dinner.

I have been grinning and feeling great since that phone call. Bill made an effort that surprised many old friends…I’m sure he has no idea how that effort touched our hearts…. serendipity.

Cheers, Bill!

namaste