Here’s a couple pictures of the coffee table….made in the Ozarks.  It would look best in a log cabin type setting but I think it looks fine with the current furniture…Phil had to bring it in on a cart because it is so heavy.

What a great few days of camping and fishing.  It rained all day Monday, but that just adds to the memories…the boys got to McGuyver us a shelter from the rain.  Brett and Christa, Brett’s dad and Phil caught a lot of fish.  Phil was particularly proud of one rainbow that is included in the group of pictures.  Bennett Spring is one of the prettiest places on earth. 

Phil and I picked up our new coffee table – I’m not really very good with waiting for things.  I had to put this on layaway for 1 month because we couldn’t get it in the blazer last trip.  I was having a little buyer’s remorse until I saw it again.

Glad to be home and back in the swing of things.  I ordered some prints from wisehippie…they were here when I got home.  If you haven’t checked out his xanga site yet, you are missing some beautiful pictures of nature.

Also bought a french press to make coffee after the raving of the daily ground hog http://thedailygroundhog.blogspot.com/ … will try it in the morning.

Until next time…..

I learned today that I am not to refer to them as old friends but rather as friends I’ve had for a long time :0  Actually about 35 years.  It was great telling stories on each other, catching up on each other’s lives and making plans to get together in the future. Biscuit, the adorable dog has issues with Elmo.  I liked him right off 🙂

Football tomorrow – I hope my opponent in my fantasy football league is shaking in his tennis shoes…Most of my good players are on bye week but I do have Folk and McNabb so my fingers are crossed.

Until next time……

First, I must let coffeeiv and lovetocraft….. know how much their feedback has helped.  Role reversal is obviously what must happens now…. or is happening now.  The best thing I can do is learn my lessons from this so I don’t put my daughters thru it…or at least so I am aware I am putting them thru it so they don’t feel so bad telling me like it is.  I just have to keep remembering how narcissistic mom has been all of these years and I’m actually dealing with a different woman now that she has decreased mental and physical function.

For the last few years, I’ve been trying to figure out what happened to mom and Aunt Frances when they were growing up.  Mom is totallynarcisstic but there is something wrong with Aunt Frances too.  Mom had a very, very physically abusive first marriage that ended back in the early 1950’s.  It probably had some affect on her life but she has had a long life since then. Theygrew up in a fanaticalchristian home with their father – their mother died when they were 13.  Apparently from the stories, they cooked and entertained ministers on Sundays and spent most of their childhoods in the church.  Since I’ve been really aware that they were “wierd”, Ive tried to get from either one of them any other signs of abuse, etc.  nothing.  My husband says they were born about 100 years to late and about 1000 miles too far north..they are the typical daughters who should be sitting on the plantation veranda sipping mint julep.  They both are pretty sure they “deserve” better than others…especially mom.  Aunt Frances tries very hard to be the God fearing Christian.

Anyway.  I’m going to try to get off this subject for awhile and be thankful for all of the wonderful things in my life.  I strive to be positive and loving and appreciative and forgiving and follow the rules…of society and of Christ’s teachings.  Not always successful but darn it, I try 🙂

Until next time…..

She’s obviously not able to fully take care of herself…I am pretty sure that she is not even able to take care of herself enough that Aunt Frances could help.  She can walk with her walker down the hall at the nursing home.  Other than that she spends her time in the wheel chair in her room.  She can get from her chair to the throne but is not really able to clean herself up by herself.  Mentally – on a daily basis – she’s pretty with it…does have problems with concepts and that may be the underlying reason she can’t understand that she can’t take care of herself at home.  I’m just so disturbed by the fact that these two old women think they can live together in a house…Both have walkers – Aunt Frances gets along better than mom but not all that well.  Who makes this decision?  I’ve told A Fran that I think it is ridiculous that they are considering this … A Fran assures me that they can do it and in the next breath…how are we going to get your mother to the doctor and bi-monthly for her shots.  She has myleodysplastic syndrom…in otherwords…her bone marrow is not producing red blood cells and she must have a shot every 2 weeks for her strength and comfort.  I’ve told her and told her – I can’t help all that much because I work 10a to 6p and don’t really have a job that I can take time off every two weeks.  What I”m thinking now is:  they’ll just have to do what they think they can do and I’ll take her to the nursing home or call the ambulance when she falls AGAIN.  I live next door and can be there for emergencies and just let them figure it out on their own.  Or I can say.  NO.  I’m not going to be a part of this – (this is what I want to do)… mom, you are not going home and Aunt Frances you are going to have to find somewhere else to live.  Mom’s narcissistic personality is not weighing into this – finally after 50 years – because I just don’t really care anymore.  I just don’t want an old lady to physically suffer…mentally is another thing.  She could just make the best of it where she is.  But not my mother…she refuses to socialize…will not eat in the dining room and prefers to be a recluse in her room.  My feeling is, quite frankly, so be it.  I’ve taken care of her for all these years and I’m tired.  That’s the decision I feel is the right decision…for tonight anyway.  Will have to regurgitate and think about it all again tomorrow 😦

Until next time…..

I want to tell you about a call I took Tuesday night but I really don’t know where to start.  A 50 year old man who described himself as a freak – a fat man and a man people avoid because of his handicap which is COPD.  I’m going to call him BOB although that was not his real name.  As the 911 call started out he told me that he had taken some pills and was headed to a bridge on the interstate because he was going to jump.  I was pretty sure that BOB did not want to kill himself because of the fact he called 911…he was screaming for help.  Bob said he had been to counseling many times but it didn’t help, we talked about his medications, we talked about his parents, we talked about his x wife and 18 year old who live in a far southern state, we talked about the horrible self image he had, we talked about why he thought he needed to end it all, he talked and he talked – never telling me where he was other than giving me his perceived measurement from the interstate….I went thru all of the emotions with him to get him to talk to me…to trust me – a total stranger – for a few minutes….  He was talking on his cell phone and my county and 911 center has the capability to track cell phone callers very acurately…I had an idea of the area he was in but officers were not able to find him.  I believe it was because he would hide when he saw them drive by.  Bob decided he was going to turn back and he was going to try the “life” thing again and it was about that time that a police officer located him and was able to place him in the squad car and take him to the hospital for 1) pumping his stomach in case he did, in fact, take 20 pills; and 2) hopefully to help him find some answers to his problems.  I will never meet Bob, I’m sure, and Bob will never know the impact his phone call had on me.  A 911 dispatcher must be able to stuff all thoughts and emotions deep down in their soul and keep themselves totally controlled and thinking because as far as we know, the Bob’s are very serious about their endeavor and it is my job to help Bob decide on a different disposition until someone can get to him physically.  These calls produce the most anxiety because you are not only trying to save this man’s life with your training, human emotions and trying to outwit the victim, there are a whole lot of other peoples lives hanging in the balance depending on Bob’s decisions — like the family in the car driving under the bridge should Bob decide this was it.  I am not really sure why I’m sharing this story.  Bob story and Bob’s phone call has haunted me for 2 days now, probably not really Bob, but despair…the despair that many humans are feeling right at this minute.  Thanks for changing your mind, Bob.  Thanks for helping me put life into perspective.  Thank YOU for listening….

Until next time…..

We bought a pontoon boat yesterday…I’ve wanted a pontoon boat for about the last 25 years…Hopefully this is a sign that good things come to those who wait 🙂

We plan to hit the lake this weekend – if the weather cooperates..probably Red Rock…

Ground hog….ARE YOU INTERESTED?

He died in 2001…thank goodness before 9/11 or he would have worried himself to death.  With Aunt Frances and mom possibly coming back home, I went over to mom’s basement today and started moving things around and tossing stuff.  My dad saved EVERYTHING!  I must give him credit.  He was an artist.  During my childhood, we saved the old aluminum toothpaste tubes and misc other household items…it took him many years but he created a 6 foot replica of the budweiser team – wagon and clydesdales.  It is awsome..Made almost completely from clay/wood/things he had saved.  He made the first horse – had a cast made and then when he had them all – just before firing, he went thru and broke all of their legs and necks and posed them they way they would be posed.  We always made a special effort to attend anything close to home where the budweiser team may be featured…even a trip to St Louis to check it out.  The drivers are made of clay and they are made to look like the drivers of the bud team back then (60’s and 70’s.)   I’ll take a pic of it and include it in my blog.  When that was finished, he set about to make western scenes from various western pictures he had kept.  So today, I spent the early part of the afternoon, cleaning up his area in the basement…touching and moving some of the things that hadn’t been touched or moved since he put them where he wanted them many years ago.  He was on my mind the whole time…I will have to say at one point, I did speak outloud and told him this mess was ridiculous but I was very comforted in touching the things he had touched.    If you have lost someone near and dear to you, I’m sure you can relate!

Miss you daddy!!!!

These are highlighted as the issues I dealt with today.  Took Frannie (the black lab aka devil dog) to the vet this morning…the holistic vet…he is not sure what is wrong with her especially since she is so young..started her on new dog food, gave her some bladder enhancing herbs and said to see how that works.  Then we went to see mom aka grandma.

She tells me today that she IS going to leave the nursing home and that Aunt Frances IS going to move here and they are going to live together.  Don’t quite know what to do.  Mom is 89 and Aunt Frances is 91 and I’m the adult.  Half of me says – okay…let her live out her last days at home..the other part says…this is just ridiculous..I’ll give her 2 days before she falls again and breaks something and ends up back in the hospital/nursing home.  But, is this really a decision I have to make.  Mom’s mind is pretty good it is just her body and bones that are not good.  I won’t feel ANY guilt if she doesn’t last long at home…this is strictly their decision.  I can’t figure out how it is going to work.  They can’t be in the same room for more than 2 hours before they start bickering…how are they going to live together…once again, I ask.  Why is this my problem?

Until next time…..