Why do I think everyone else’s life is better than my own?
I know that these thoughts usually only settle in when I am feeling irritable without a cause or irritable with a cause. So…irritable.
Or when I’m feeling sorry for myself…without a cause or with a cause.
Or when I have committed or not committed to do something in the future that I am often unable to follow through when the moment is now. Actually this particular situation has taken care of itself, for the most part, because I am learning the lesson of NO.. just say NO because it is not something I want to do at this time. Often after I have said NO….I feel very empowered. Standing up for myself…even if I can’t respond immediately because in the moment I don’t know if it’s a yes or no, I do understand that in the next second I may have an answer. I’ve accepted that I have quite a vocabulary and a mouth and I know how to use them.
Often when I’m driving in a new neighborhood, city, state, country – especially on a vacation – I think..ya..I like this area, I could live here or No…I don’t even want to eat ice cream here. Those memories seem to live in my consciousness so I can pull them out when I’m feeling irritable, sorry for myself, put upon, not appreciated. I USE THEM to compare my present moment with the illusion of the moment in my memory. It’s hard to remember the difference between fantasy and what I’m experiencing in the present.
But then…I can find myself when I’m sitting in solitary on the deck watching the water ripple on the pond, see the gentleness of the geese skimming across the water, an occasional ruffled feather, hear the birds tweeting in the wren house above my head, feeling the sun on my skin…reality sinks in and I know that I wouldn’t trade THIS or my life for anything. Which has me questioning sentence number 1 above:
Why do I think everyone else’s life is better than my own.
So happy when we uncovered the Naked Ladies (aka Belladonna Lily) today. I had been out looking for them swiping at the mulch cover but obviously had dug around in the wrong spot.
This is probably the 4th year for them to actually pop out of the ground and this year looks to be a strong start! They fall into that favorite flower category albeit a short flowering season.
These flowers have very special meaning to me as they were promised to me as I sat beside the hospice bed of my “other” mom, Neva in April of 2016. She reminded her daughter/my dear friend, Sue….. be sure you dig those up for Nina. Special memories bring special blessings.
He worked in the yard today, I went out and helped pick up sticks and arranged my collection of nighttime lights in the sun so I can determine which ones have survived the winter.
Spring is here. We had our first thunderstorm last night. I’m feeling optimistic, blessed and hopeful. Summer of 2021 is on the horizon,
We noticed this morning that the geese are flying. Feathers have grown back and our little goose family of 6 will be dipping their feet in other neighborhood ponds. I will miss their daily visits to the grounds below the bird feeder…but this is the time of year when I enjoy the cacophony when they are landing as they settle in for the evening back home. I’m also relieved that the 8 weeks are over and Thursday I should be released from the boot.
The weather has cooled, the cicadas are loud, he’s picking up sticks before he mows
And I’m just going to sit around with the breeze in my hair …. maybe finish my book “Loving Frank”. Well researched biography about Frank Lloyd Wright told from the perspective of his long time mistress, Mamah Borthwick. I’m now all up into everything Frank Lloyd Wright and making plans to visit Illinois, Wisconsin and Arizona museums and landmarks.
But for today….I’m enjoying the view from the deck and feeling grateful.
Well, it isn’t the snow forecast for the weekend in Kansas City.
The weather will start to warm up next weekend – in the 50’s – it arrives while we are in Belize. Obviously, we didn’t plan that well. This would have been the week to be gone!
I look forward to camping this summer..Bennett Spring is #1 on my list…I would like to take a camping trip to Glacier National Park in Montana during the sultry days of July. The first of May looks to be perfect for 3 days in Vegas with some friends from the Sheriff’s Office in Newton. I’m giddy with excitement to see the other 4 again. I’m looking forward to Major League Baseball season. While I’ve had to switch my lifetime allegiance over to the American League from the National League (I will still root for those Cincinnati Reds) but after last years Royal Fever, I know it is not going to be a hard adjustment.
He and I took our taxes to the CPA this past week so while we were close, we decided to drop by the Sports Complex to find our way around.
Which only made me look forward to the NFL season!! I look forward to spending time with family and friends this summer. I hope to get in a couple of Slipstream concerts. I can see the Iowa Stair Fair on the agenda. There is hope……… good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.