The Freedom to speak

I have often been taken aback during a conversation with a friend…or for that matter a casual conversation with a stranger…there can be one phrase that will mentally remove me from the conversation as I attempt to define exactly what was said, often as I slowly open a squeaky window into judgement.

During my childhood years, the words or opinions from my parents were soaked in as gospel…perhaps not the canonical gospel….but the absolute last word on the subject. As I matured into my teen years and young adulthood, I was often taken in by the verbiage of others my age…it was new, fresh and helped me sort my opinions about clothes, cars, social and world events. I have often later ruminated about particular conversations that did not feel comfortable within my belief system. I always have the right to release ties to a relationship.

Now many years later, I recognize that I still put value on my friendships by how we relate in opinions. I feel I give and receive a lot of grace as I accept and often absorb other’s values and opinions because I actually never know when there is something new that will change my perspective.

Fast Forward to this morning in 2024, A discussion about the acronym SRO in a book. “He” asked me what I thought it meant and I said “School Resource Officer” which came from my many years working in the law enforcement community. “He” looked it up to find the definition SRO as “Standing Room Only” which was obviously the context. It’s so much healthier to acknowledge, to learn perspectives from others. There are always going to be contrasts. WE have all lived different moments and built our individual belief systems. Thus the steadfast arguments revolving around abortion, legal euthanasia, race and religion! It’s not my job to agree or change anyones mind, it is my job to allow a difference of opinion in the moment and understand that life lessons will either harden or open the mind to a new way of thinking.

and so it is…..

This year I have been good enough….

I know I focus way too much on tomorrow..in fact, I may have lost a whole year because I have trouble grasping the fact that each day I was good enough.  For those of us focused on self-help, the buzz-word to make us feel better about ourselves is writing in a gratitude journal….and positive self talk.  I’ve heard it.  Apparently, it wasn’t something that got my attention because I haven’t done it.  I decided this morning that I’m going to start 2015 with positive self talk.  It’s a goal, I realize…it is something that I might fail to do…but I’m hoping it will replace the negative self talk from the voices in my head.  The way the theory works is by writing down or thinking everyday about the positive things in your life and focusing on the positive things, you will live a happier life and eventually you will genuinely focus on the good.  The discipline is going to be tough but I feel it is something I really need to do.

That is not to say that I won’t still have the negative thoughts and that I will still rage on about things that totally piss me off on my therapy blog, Ninasusan.  I know focusing on the self-negative has enabled me to change things about myself that I didn’t like but the fine line is still there…I want to pull myself up over the fine line of acceptance and focus more on who I am and not who I think I should be.  So for today…

I’m good enough!