Some may already think I’m crazy…

I knew when I woke up this morning that I needed to put these thoughts out there.  I know there are a lot of people…my age….younger….older….just trying to find themselves and the all encompassing “meaning of life”.  Many are led by a belief in God (or whatever their religion calls its higher power).  I’ve been there heart and soul.  Living each day, not for the day, but as a stepping stone to what they covet most …. A peaceful, joyful eternity in heaven.

For the last few years, I’ve been seeking the answers to my own anxiety, anger and discontent.  I finally gave myself permission to ask the question, “am I always going to feel this way or can I make changes in the way I view things so that I can enjoy moments for what they are”?  I assumed in The beginning that I would be able to heal my mind one day and be different the next.  That was an unreasonable and, quite frankly, ignorant goal.

If you read yesterday’s blog, I mentioned I was able to enter a meditative state unlike anything I’ve ever reached before during craniosacral therapy.  This meditative state allowed me to find myself as a child in my home of 12 childhood years.  I started with the same scenario I always use to relax myself…in the backyard, laying my sheet on the ground on top of the grass, laying down and letting the sun beat on my young skin.  I have been able to see the brick trash incinerator my dad built, the oak tree in the far corner and felt like I was actually able to turn my head and see the back of our house.  Yesterday, I went further….I saw more….I felt more….I went into the house and lived it, especially the kitchen.  I felt Lennnie Rae and I walking up Timber Lane to the school bus stop….and so many other vivid memories…this incredible power of the mind through total relaxation and meditation.  It makes me emotional…the only other time I have been able to do this was in the 70s when I smoked pot.  That was one of the best parts for me being high.  The surreal memories….. and showers, of course.  Meditation is something I’m going to continue working on.  I know there are things in my mind that I need to deal with to continue my journey in finding myself…there may be some ugliness in there, but I need to find it, deal with it and move on.

Until next time….

Random Sunday Morning

I’ve been all over the board since I was a teenager in my spiritual/religious life.  My volley on the right was being a believer in the scriptures as taught by the Grandview Park Baptist Church in Des Moines as a child and as taught by the Rising Sun Church of Christ as a teenager then on to Bible College – the best year of my life.  I tried to live the scriptures, gave a lot of lip service to the good and evil…as an adult, enmeshed myself in the Christian Church in Newton for several years…listened to both sides of the God argument, read, read, read.

What I found to be true for me was spiritualness.  I have problems with the bible.  I’m just going to put it out there…Today, at this moment, I do not believe that it is the inspired words of God.  More like I think it was written by some folks in order to control the masses, control women and inspired by fear.  Perhaps as an explanation of things they didn’t understand. A rule book?….compiled a few centuries later by a catholic leader.

There are far too many things going on in my head and in the universe for me to discount religion as a whole. There will be no blanket statements here…I refuse to criticize one “religion” over another and not opposed, at this point, to believing in a higher power.

I read an article this morning that President Jimmy Carter has left the southern baptist congregation.  Jimmy Carter’s article makes total sense to me!  I respect Jimmy Carter!

When we visited Ecuador several years ago, I was depressed about the deplorable conditions in which some people lived.  My experience was mainly along the coast…the fishing villages…when I said this out loud, my x-friend, Christa said that I shouldn’t feel sorry for them…this is their life…this is what they know.  I call bull shit on that one…It was a happy little way for her to justify.  It did, immediately, make me feel better about the difference in my social existence and theirs.  Once again, I call BS.  I think that it is just nice  way to say that one group of people is better than another group of people…so just let them be and live in their squalor.  After all, they don’t know any better….BS.  Hasn’t this chapter been written  over and over in several books?l

Wow…glad to get that out…it has been bugging me for awhile.

Huffington Post comedy posted a video of David Letterman coming out of retirement as a guest on a Steve Martin and what’s his name show in Texas.  He had another top ten list…this one about Donald Trump.  Wow.  It was great to see Dave being Dave again.

I have no compassion for ants!

Until next time…..

The left…the right…cleaning house

I like to clean house.  I find it very peaceful…I like clean…and I love to sit down in the evening and relax knowing everything is clean and in its place.  I especially like the days when I'm home alone so I don't have to consider someone else's expectations – I can clean – get side tracked, clean, watch a little tv, clean….clean and think with no distractions.  I just noticed that when I'm thinking about how to spell destractions…I used a long E…but know that it is  distractions with a short I.

My thoughts about a certain family remember who tends to lean to the right politically was a deep focus.  I was thinking about what I know of his lifestyle.  He is not religious so doesn't have those pulls…he is very successful financially…he goes for it and gets it done and I think he is very smart…and I thought…ahhh..he is fiscally conservative…which makes total sense.  I don't know where he stands on any of the platform issues and will have to ask him…like abortion, gun control, gay marriage, etc. 

I was also raised by "republicans".  My father was very, VERY fiscally conservative, he loved guns…was probably one of the first in line to get a carry permit back in the dark ages…I assume he was against abortion – he would have probably been anti-gay mostly because he didn't understand it…he had hard as rock beliefs in what he thought was wrong and right.  He was an agnostic.  My mother grew up in a bible thumper family – very religious.  She and her sister cooked for the ministers after church on Sunday when they were young.  My mother was an anti abortion and anti gay person until I explained to her what that meant if she, me or one of my daughters was going to die because they couldn't get an abortion and or would have to carry a rape baby that they didn't want or if one of the girls decided they wanted a same sex marriage.  If it was her family…then they should be able to do what they wanted to do…but, by golly…she didn't believe everyone else should have that right.  typical….*sticks finger in mouth to throw up.  She was one of those people who put her love of God out there for other people but did  not live it in her own temple, so to speak.

I know longer believe that conservatives are the religious right and us liberals are the devil's hands.  No labels.  What I do believe and what disgusts me the most are the right religious radicals who God has personally delivered a message to who are against human rights.  The ones who live their lives and crank out the religious bull shit about what God wants and doesn't want…yet fight against social assistance to those less fortunate and wouldn't hesitate to throw a gay person under a bus or kill an abortion doctor.  I have no idea how I got here but that's what I"m thinking about today….Oh ya…it started when I was thinking about the nephew.

Until next time…