I’ve questioned my dysfunctional relationships with friends since I was a teenager. As I work thru the questions, (be prepared for a long sentence) I now believe that by being an only child of older parents, who had a dysfunctional relationship with each other and expected me to be their one and only true friend, I may be on the path to discovery.
It seems I don’t end friendships they just pass on. I’ve become friend and confident’ with more people than I care to acknowledge. In most of these friendships, there hasn’t been a lot of give and take…or should I say, I’ve seen that they have a need, I feel their pain, I become enmeshed in their drama, I’m fulfilled because they need me and find myself once again trying to take care of them and their issues. My emotions become overwhelmed and I feel like I”m drowning…so I slowly swim away to save myself. While I know some of these friends like me and depend on ME, many times I am not fulfilled because there is no depth to the relationship and I don’t seek them out when I have a problem.
I’m getting it.
I have several friends that are good friends to me. We like each other, we care about each other, if one of us is in the valley, we know that the other one will throw a rope. We don’t have to talk on the phone, we don’t have to see each other every day…we just are. They cross my path and I cross their path…there is a mutual friendship.
Then there is Margena and there is Kim. Kim is the real deal. There is no selfishness to our relationship..she knows every one of my secrets. Margena is the longest known real deal. Gena’s life is very difficult right now and I spend time together listening to her right now. She’s had my back and taken care of me many times in the past. The other day I was meeting her for dinner and she said that she wanted to meet and watch my face while I talked about my new grandson. That was one of the most amazing things anyone has ever said to me. It made me tear up.
I”m learning that I can have friends but I don’t have to be all up in their business and they don’t have to be all up in mine. It is okay to have different degrees of friendship.
Until next time.