This is really a dear diary entry in order to document the moment. Similar to stopping to log in the notes section of my phone when I have those synchronicities in life that assure me that I am on the right path….the path of recognizing I am one with all in the universe.
I am on my 4th year of study in the new thought movement. I’m actually in my approximately 58th year of “do it yourself” study. Knowing that life is not what other people say it is *cough MOTHER *cough SOCIETY *cough ORGANIZED RELIGION
I woke up having a very bold panic attack last night. Someone very close to me and very important to me was trying to kill me. I jumped out of bed and found myself sitting in the bathroom with the lights on seriously trying to rationalize if this was really happening.
My conclusion. No one outside of myself is trying to kill me. But the beautiful part of the story is, my small self…my ego self…the insecurities, the history that I used to base all of my thoughts and behaviors on, the history that I’ve always incorporated in making decisions….the holding myself back in future choices because I’m reliving past choices…is dying off. I’m recognizing that the stories and lessons told to me by my mother, my father, my preacher and my teacher are their stories that I have accepted as truth. I’m understanding they are not my truth.
This is my understanding, this is my knowing. I am grateful for experiencing last nights panic attack….it was the experience I needed assuring me that all is well…I am on the right path…I am finding my one with the universe…source…whatever word I choose to find myself and live my best life!
For nearly two years, I (and now He and I) have been reading and discussing in a group setting the Paul Selig series of channeled books. I was new to the New Thought movement and new to the spiritual aspect of my life after many decades of trying to believe all of the religious dogma and rules I found in the Christian churches of my past. The more I was told how to live and what to think by other humans, I realized they were human and didn’t espouse the rules and judgements they were representing. It’s been a very long journey. That being said…..
I chose to join a Paul Selig study group. The choice stepping into the unknown using only my intuition. I was searching for a book group and had no idea where this author, Paul Selig, would take me. I have found the experience with the books and discussions in group have changed my life. He also joined the group a few months after I did…we did some catch up reading at home together to get him up to speed with the first, foundational book, “I am Word”. The group is now in the 4th book of the series. Beginning the first of the year, He and I decided to start the series again. We are reading aloud and discussing the books every morning. There are so many spiritual life lessons to reap from every chapter.
This morning we read this:
“We want you to imagine for a moment that your life, as you choose it, pictures outwardly all of those things you say you want. “I am feeling good about myself.” “My body is healthy.” “I am with the partner I desire.” “I am in the work I love” or “I am no longer working because I no longer need to support myself that way.” Create in your mind the image that you say you want from this level of consciousness that you are today. We want you to do this now. Imagine your perfect life and take a moment and decide that this is now available to you.”
The next paragraph explains that all of those things you in envision for yourself for the future…all of those things that came up when you imagined your perfect life…are the things that are not in your life right now. Those are the things that deserve our focus. Those are the desires we need to shoot for. Dumping all of the shoulds of our life. Stop doing what we have always done, following someone else’s rules perhaps the way we were taught, making decisions because other choices …. like living a bold life….cause fear…fear of the unknown?
I blog about this today because blogging helps cement the thoughts in my own mind especially when they ring my bell and become a huge wake up call for me. When I did the exercise and thought about the things I dream of doing or believe someday I will do……the things I’m not doing now. The main reason I’m not doing them now is the suggestion or the blueprint will require me to expand out of my comfort zone….it just seems ridiculous that I am holding myself back from being who I know I want to be because I’m afraid to take that baby step ahead.