Tag Archives: living in the moment

01.05.24
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Can anyone name the song playing in my head?

This morning, I told the little white haired lady at the checkout counter that I was always happy to see her face when I pulled into her lane. Her eyes lit up with just enough of a smile on her lips that I knew her heart opened up. After I payed, I looked the obviously stoned sacker in the eye and smiled when he said “Have a good day, Ma’am”. When I responded, I hardly got a headshake but I figured he had enough fears, concerns or pot on board that I got all that he could give me. I was able to shake off the only negative experience I had at the “store” when I walked beside a woman probably 10 years my senior in the aisle and she looked at me and said, why do groceries keep going up in price, pretty soon no one will be able to afford them. My immediate thought was at least you can choose what to buy…our property taxes keep going up and I can’t do anything about it. Then I paused realizing that theoretically I was thinking the very same thing she was saying. 

While in the check out line my granddaughter attempted a FaceTime…I cancelled and texted her mom to say I was at the store. On my way to the car, I wondered how “the store” always refers to the ‘grocery’ store…at least among my family and peers. No one ever says to me oh, which store? Target, Walmart, Best Buy. No…”the store” means the grocery store. 

As I drove the 45 seconds from “the store” to my garage, I forgot the other two very important revelations that popped in and out quickly. Regina and Linda are coming tonight for our WordShine prep meeting and we decided on my house rather than our usual Panera because HE said he would make bread. But I did find Panera cheddar and broccoli soup at “the store” which was a win/win.

I can’t get a childhood song out of my head….the “something” goes in and “something” goes out…maybe around the corner and out of the house….anyone?

Until next time…..

07.12.22
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The illusion of daily drivel

I fully recognize that I am not in a gentle place right now. I’m not doing my morning centering, meditations and I miss that contented 2020 peacefulness. That’s not to say I didn’t have a thin thread of fear running through my head about COVID but I settled in to experience those early months of the virus without the busyness that is overwhelming me now. He and I were content to just “be” in this house together…doing what felt right in the moment. We talked several times about how good it felt not to have a schedule, and not to have commitments. It was the first time I really understood that everything is vibration and energy. In simple terms, I understood the concept of sitting in the center of a room and watching my thoughts play out on screens around me. Those thoughts are not me, they are only visual concepts that change from one moment to another depending on what gets my attention.

So wah wah wah, I’m circling back! I’m releasing commitments and responsibilities that I chose for the wrong reasons. I know I must discern when my attention is drawn to those movie previews in my brain that apparently are causing me to “feel” uncomfortable, unsettled and irritable. I know that by focusing on the negative; by attempting to rationalize everything, I will experience instant karma serving it all back on a platter to me. I am what I think. Knowing I am capable of following my North Star, recognizing my emotions when I feel them….sitting with them until they subside and then with gratitude for the “I AM” soul that is me. There is nothing outside of myself that needs to be concerning or considered as I move forward in peace with my intuition and my knowing.

Namaste

07.11.22
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I’m having “not living in the moment” episodes

Why do I think everyone else’s life is better than my own?

I know that these thoughts usually only settle in when I am feeling irritable without a cause or irritable with a cause. So…irritable.

Or when I’m feeling sorry for myself…without a cause or with a cause.

Or when I have committed or not committed to do something in the future that I am often unable to follow through when the moment is now. Actually this particular situation has taken care of itself, for the most part, because I am learning the lesson of NO.. just say NO because it is not something I want to do at this time. Often after I have said NO….I feel very empowered. Standing up for myself…even if I can’t respond immediately because in the moment I don’t know if it’s a yes or no, I do understand that in the next second I may have an answer. I’ve accepted that I have quite a vocabulary and a mouth and I know how to use them.

Often when I’m driving in a new neighborhood, city, state, country – especially on a vacation – I think..ya..I like this area, I could live here or No…I don’t even want to eat ice cream here. Those memories seem to live in my consciousness so I can pull them out when I’m feeling irritable, sorry for myself, put upon, not appreciated. I USE THEM to compare my present moment with the illusion of the moment in my memory. It’s hard to remember the difference between fantasy and what I’m experiencing in the present.

But then…I can find myself when I’m sitting in solitary on the deck watching the water ripple on the pond, see the gentleness of the geese skimming across the water, an occasional ruffled feather, hear the birds tweeting in the wren house above my head, feeling the sun on my skin…reality sinks in and I know that I wouldn’t trade THIS or my life for anything. Which has me questioning sentence number 1 above:

Why do I think everyone else’s life is better than my own.

Namaste

09.17.21
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Friday vs Monday

I woke up this morning thinking…okay…it’s Friday whew. With my first cup of coffee I contemplated why the Friday relief seemed to mean something to me…I am a retired woman with virtually stress free days. By the second cup of coffee, my subconscious apparently had the time to answer the question…I’m still running on rules and schedules that I either adopted, inherited or expected of myself for 65 years prior to today….and

The big and….if I don’t make the choice to change that thinking, I will live out my life thinking…ahhh Monday a new start (what can go wrong) until Friday (whew glad that nightmare is over).

From the inner work I’ve been doing, I know that just realizing the error of my ways and deciding it’s time for change does not mean that Monday I will wake up “healed”not even realizing it is Monday while experiencing the day only each moment in its moment. Chances are without practicing this “in the moment consciousness”, I’m likely to be controlled by the future… in an hour, tonight, next Tuesday…and the past…can’t do that remember what happened last time! It takes practice to bring myself back to the present each time I recognize I’ve stepped back on the craziness treadmill!

Then I read the daily word. Dailyword.com

The second paragraph got me!

Divine order holds everything together, even that which appears chaotic or without reason. I may not be able to see the entire picture, but I TRUST THE STRUCTURE THAT UNDERGIRDS ALL LIFE. When I behold this symmetry in my life and in the world, I feel the comfort and security in divine order.

One moment at a time!

Namaste

04.25.21
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So the thing about lists

I wasn’t quite sure how to start this one out…perhaps something like this: During an afternoon Zoom chat group, the topic of lists came up and I said quite innocently that I don’t make lists. The group got very quiet…one person shyly spoke up and said, “you are truly living life on the edge!”

That’s not how it played out but my blog, my story!

The thing about lists. Pretty much every person I know has a system of lists. The lists left on the counter and checked off with the task completed. The list that is made and never looked at again. The grocery list. The getting ready for a trip list. My question to you list makers is….what happens when you depend solely on the list. A list takes fear away about forgetting something…something you need, something you have to do. Check…its on the list.

So what happens when you depend on that list and no longer use just your memory….what happens if you don’t write undergarments on the list before a big trip. You mark everything off the list and must vacation commando? What happens if you don’t write toilet paper on the list and end up not thinking about the need for toilet paper while at the store because it wasn’t on the list?

I look at those list makers in my inner circle and I just shake my head at the risks they are taking.

I, obviously, am quite confident and secure with the fact that there is no evidence left to betray my memory.

Until next time….

04.03.21
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I miss the simpler times

….and by simpler, I mean the last year…

I woke up loaded for bear this morning (not something I need to mention…waking up soft and gentle would be actual news). THIS morning, I went quickly to writing my Morning Pages which has become easier this week because I recognize the need to get “whatever it is” outta my head and down on paper so I may release it! what I learned was….

Last year at this time, I went from traveling Mach speed around the curves with mind numbing constant thoughts and activity which were framed in worry and fret about absolutely nothing TO Oh Holy Shit…what is happening. For the next year and some change, the reality of required solitude and living within the parameters of “just being” was odd….and then it became my new normal….and I was peaceful and comfortable and just felt right. He and I worked on our relationship, we read books together, I went to bed and got out of bed when I wanted. I had groceries delivered, I read without guilt, I didn’t clean house very often and we saved a hefty amount of money ( with the shameful realization that being frugal was not even one of my vocabulary words).

I will not go back to normal. I don’t even have the desire to go back to whatever normal is. Post vaccinations, I begin to feel myself being pulled in different directions, I also realize that those commitment I make now are of my own doing….my choice. My quarantined personality had one of its best years of my life…Now I know what “just being” feels like. My only job here is listen to myself…And do what feels the best for my soul in each moment…with each breath.

Namaste

12.17.20
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A day in the life of 2020

I’ve joined a zoom Strength Builders class that meets on Monday and Thursday mornings. For the last two weeks, I’ve been walking with a slight bend at the waste. I believe this 1) is not natural for most women my age; and 2) this evidence that I accepted the invitation in the nick of time!

After class I opened the door and

He’s getting his exercise too and actually has also been walking with a slight bend. He’s been putting a ceiling in our downstairs family room.

It’s nearly completed….just a few pieces left on my end of the basement then he can begin the reorganization of his art studio. He thinks he can make it cat free….He’s such a dreamer!

While everyone else will be in their warm cars tonight driving through the many Christmas light venues around us, we are meeting the Missouri family at Powell Gardens and losing ourselves in the beauty and mystery of the decorated Christmas wonderland!

It’s really hard to believe the 2020 version of Christmas is a week away.

Sadly I think the geese are getting ready to leave the pond. They’ve all been sitting around on a thin layer of ice today…..I’ve been sending them messages to stay awhile longer…the rest of the week will be warmer

This reads more like a Dear Diary entry but that is where I am in my head…holding myself close, appreciating the friendships and the love and the beauty all around me.

namaste

10.05.20
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Still a lot of “now” available

I was out on the deck this morning repotting hens and chicks when I heard him walking through the yard from the trail. 60 degrees…nice breeze….lots of sunshine. Exactly the kind of fall day I would have celebrated from a deck chair last year. It just didn’t happen this year. I regrettably spent nearly an entire summer puttering in the house. At first, I started down the long and winding trail of thought and irritation with myself….why did I do that…what was wrong with me?

But this time, I did not accept the invitation to the pity party. I accepted the fact that I spent most of the summer in the house puttering .. obviously, exactly what I chose to do….and I did not should myself.

But today, I decided that I wanted to spend some time outside. I walked around the pond…I felt the breeze in my hair, got a little warm wearing my sweatshirt….and I realized with a lot of joy there is still a lot of “now” available to me somewhere out there appreciating the beauty of one of my favorite months.

Little surprises were peeking through confirming it’s not over until it’s over!

Namaste

09.27.20
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Embracing Uncertainty #susanjeffers

I’m learning to opt out of participating in human drama whether it be in my own head or participating with all of my senses with everyone else here on earth. This has actually brought me some peace of mind during the pandemic as I have removed myself from politics. I read the headlines in order keep up on what is going on in the country? What I am finding is when I actually “click” on the occasional news story nothing has changed from the last time I clicked. There is only fear-generating expressions of opinions!

Each fall, members of Unity Village Chapel read the same book….individually, then many of us join together in small groups to discuss the book. This one, Embracing Uncertainty Chapter 3, had me overwhelmed with insight. Thus the cut and paste project I worked on last night. It was a very effective way to concentrate on energetic phrases from the chapter to cement them on my heart and in my soul.

“Expectations create attachments…a hope something turns out a certain way”

Often we are unable to let go of our expectation….

“Expectations carry disappointments rigidity, anger, impatience and obsession”

“The moment expectations appear in the form of hope, desire or a wish, close your eyes, take out the imaginary scissors to cut the cord of expectation. Release it like a balloon drifting away from you.”

Namaste

04.23.20
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The Roomba has gone rogue

I really wish I had pictures of HIM crawling around on the floor in my craft room repeating over and over…it’s not under here. It couldn’t get under here.

This was right after I went into a panic because there was a wet spot on the floor under the master bathroom. I moved the trash can to catch any drips. And then I recalled that two hours earlier I had leaned over to plug in my space heater with my IPAD in one hand and my jumbo Bubba cup in the other. Obviously a couple drips of water……

Where is the Roomba

Not under the day bed, not in the bathroom, there’s no way it could get under the desk, not under the craft cabinet…I accused him of messing with me…in his sternest voice he assured me that he absolutely was not messing with me.

Much Later I was cleaning up supper dishes (because there is absolutely no hurry to do them anymore) I was drawn to this cupboard….

No….the Roomba wasn’t in there…

I was starting to feel totally detached from reality. I had no idea what was behind this cupboard door. I’m not sure I have even opened that door since I put the plastic containers in it obviously a long time ago. Those same plastic containers I’ve been searching for.

Rex is sleeping like this

Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my sense of reality and just need to get out of this house…or perhaps just add different music to my playlist. But my music is so comfortable, I don’t have to question what song is next. Don’t misunderstand most of the time I actually feel pretty happy and content but things just feel like they aren’t where they belong….

Oh…the Roomba….he crawled completely under the desk which is barricaded on all sides by important stuff. Somehow It was stuck in a corner. The thought crossed my mind that if that thing had come to life under there while I was working at the computer, it would have been all over!

Stay sane, my friends!