I was recently on the receiving end of tears…I wasn’t really sure why I was crying but I knew I was triggered because something needed to be healed. I started writing things down and found myself here..at the blog space. There are sadness tears that fall, say, funeral tears or just extreme loss and sadness tears. Those tears don’t seem to need anyone to “control” them. I just need to hold a space for them until they dry up.
There are anger tears. Anger tears seem to have a purpose for me. I think of them more as rage tears. Rage Tears deserve their honor in a place of respect, cleansing and healing. I welcome rage tears because they protect me from myself…its really hard to keep a volatile situation volatile when one person is crying and not contributing to the dark energy.
Sometimes there are those incredible laughter tears…for me, those are usually accompanied by the inability to breath and sore stomach muscles because it is just that funny.
And there are love tears…empathy tears, I have such deep feeling tears. Those tears may start and end abruptly or they may lead to a softening which often leads me to music and a feeling of gratitude.
The embarrassment of crying in front of someone has it’s home in your ego…your small self…the fear that you will appear weak, emotional, any of the society’s stereotypical label. Crying is not a girl thing, women’s work, unstable, not masculine…crying means you are strong. Not feeling embarrassment about tears means you are a warrior! I am strong and I am sensitive and I know how to love!
I have 58 1/2 years of maturity under my belt. I’m sure there are those that I know who would definitely challenge my maturity level at times, for instance, my daughters. We have a message thread between the three of us that is open all of the time. I love it because if one of us has a thought or wants to share something, the thread is open to just put it out there. Last night I laughed and giggled and cried over an innocent comment that I made which had a couple of different connotations that they both picked up on. It was like the pressure valve was opened and this one little comment sent me into hysterical laughing until tears were running down my face. It was a moment which made me love them and cherish them beyond words…the connection, the shared sense of humor, the shared familiarity and knowing that I would love them as adult women even if I hadn’t given birth to them.
Then there are the two old best friends. I have no siblings; but, I have them. At times, the maturity level of these two could come into question. I speak of them together but they have never met. Next to my immediate family, they are the two most important people in my life. I trust them with my life, obviously, considering they both have keys to my skeleton closet. With both of them, I can have a conversation leaving out key words and not finish sentences because we are in sync. We share our life traumas, our insecurities and our joys. I want to know what is going on in their heads that they aren’t saying and they know how to pick and pick and pick into my psyche to get the actual truth out of me. They care…they ask questions…they have the same inner timing…..timing is everything!
This blog post is dedicated to these 4 women in my life. They need to know that if one of them is damaged, my car does not drive safely. I’m pretty sure they all know that they have my heart but it doesn’t hurt to put it into words because we all like to know that we are loved!
Until next time…..