The journey of self discovery…

My strong suit is not in making decisions.  Let me back up…30 years as a 911 dispatcher forced me to make split second 911 decisions…so it isn’t that.  I can make decisions on the spot with little forethought or available information…decisions that must be made NOW.  I, most generally, have no problem making buying decisions but frequently I’m guilted with buyers remorse.  But ask me to make a decision about other life questions like where I want to eat dinner and I teeter totter.

So, last week when I sent text messages to a few friends to tell them I was thinking about a trip back to Des Moines and could we get together, I thought to myself…where did that come from.  One minute I was watching TV and the next minute I was texting…no forethought and no regret.  The next few days were full of excitement and anticipation…no second thoughts, no worry, no concern about leaving him at home alone for 4 days.  I was going!

The journey was just what I needed for my soul.  I felt cleansed.  I lined up my schedule, packed my bags, backed out of the driveway and found myself in the moment, depending on myself, clearing my head and taking a huge leap into the unknown.  I didn’t bog myself down with my typical should I Do this or should I do that.  I enjoyed me.  I let the trees and fields of nature and the bright blue sky frame my experience.  I sang at the top of my lungs, I drove the speed limit, I drank copious amounts of coffee.  With each friend visit I lived in the moment…I didn’t prepare…I relaxed….I listened and I talked.  I had a wonderful time with myself.  Another huge step in my journey to self discovery.

The estrogen tour

After our trip to Toledo last week, I’ve been feeling lonely for my girlfriends…the ones I left behind in February of 2014.  For the most part, I didn’t socialize much with them the last 5 years I Was in Iowa because of my state of mind.  I miss them!

There is a connection with girls that men cannot fill…and there is a history and trust and affection with MY girls.  It is a loneliness that I can’t really put into words.  It’s like missing your favorite sweatshirt on a cold rainy day.  Everything is really fine but you just keep remembering how warm you felt in your old sweatshirt.

So…my first estrogen tour is next week.  I’m doing 3 nights away from home, away from him….and when I return I will be warm after wearing my old sweatshirt for a few days.

Until next time….