Childhood, tweens and teens for me was fraught with insecurity…my childhood may not have been norm but it is all I know…the anxiety, hormones, love, don’t love, want to love, want to be loved, oh no..I”m 18 what now…was followed by the 20’s…marriage, first child, I have no idea what I”m doing or what I’m supposed to do…we are broke…what are we doing wrong…not everyone is broke…ups and downs, new job working for the sheriff’s office…I hate being a grownup….30’s…Oh no, I’m 30, 31 – another baby…getting it together, moving, trying to make it all work, how do I parent..have to break the cycle…40’s ug..I’m 40…several mid-life crisis..got in shape..wanted to be a reserve police officer..gotta have some fun…high school band, high school band boosters, stepping out of my comfort zone – oh goodness my baby is graduating…oh know, Devastation – how am I going to survive … my dad is gone….I’m 49 and the real baby is graduating…oh no…she’s going to college…what am I going to do with myself…

da dada da I’m 50…. I hate the weight I’m carrying around..I’m kind of screwed up..no one prepares you for the kids being gone…he has some health problems…I thought life was like a new awakening at 50…between the periods of angst, there are moments of enlightenment…there is less tolerance for what we call BS…life is wonderful without the monthly shifting of hormones…just hang on…it’s going to get better…various periods of peace of mind..we don’t know what will happen in the future…live in the moment…live for this moment and nothing more or nothing less…the past is gone…the future hasn’t happened…we have only now….

Until next time….