When I initially started Sharing my irritations, hates, repressed anger, loves and thankfulness on this ninasusan.com blog in 2007, it’s purpose was to make connections with other people. It quickly morphed into a safe place to use as my own personal therapy session. I shared my very painful beliefs and words on a public blogging site because I found that I was receiving feedback from perfect strangers who also found themselves in their own personal hell and we related! I also connected with 6 or 7 perfect humans who now ride in the backseat of my car daily…we share, we commiserate, we love and we hold each other up. I have met face to face with a couple of them….the rest of us feel like we’ve also met in person because we just KNOW each other with our souls!
I remember when I started out, I received some flash back from remain nameless because they couldn’t figure out why I didn’t keep my personal business….personal… I heard them…I understood the question…but, quite unlike my usual MO, I continued writing and sharing because I felt I had to get my hate and disconnect from familial mental abuse out or it would kill me. I needed to have a way to communicate everything I was holding inside and I was too afraid to clip the wires on my jaw and actually say out loud what I thought, what I meant…I did not have the guts to back off from those people who had grown accustomed to my people pleasing.
Someone mentioned to me the other day how much they appreciated how authentic my blogs are. The words from her blessed my heart. We all suffer, we all experience mental or physical ailments, we all have grief, we all have irritations and hateful moments. But we all just want to be heard and we all want to be loved. We are what we think. We are the unkind thoughts we think about others. Just Be Kind! Pass it on. Pay it forward!
When I blog, it is almost guaranteed that I have some passion behind it. After lots of soul searching and therapy, I have lots of positive passion now compared to, say, my blogs of 2009 when I blogged more out of desperation to find air space somewhere because I knew I wasn’t going to make it up to the top of the lake.
The passion in my blogs usually comes from something I’ve been thinking about for some time and I’m ready to discuss AND I want to know what others think – whether they agree or disagree – I want to know. There are very few times when I haven’t considered a different perspective. I love the art of deep thinking. I also blog as a way to get my life and my thoughts down in black and white, so to speak. May I humbly say for the next generations? As I spend countless hours lost in genealogy, I am left so sad by not knowing the details. How many times I have thought to myself – why didn’t I ask my dad this or that. My life, my thought process and my perception of events are there for my family when they fly in to earth in their space car.
Yesterday’s blog, What labeled pigeon hole do I fit in?, came from lots of thinking and reading about introverts and extroverts. While I really don’t like labels for the most part, I am kind of obsessed with knowing that I’m normal…and, of course, normal being a label that probably requires a heavy black magic marker line. I did get some feedback on the in/ex question – especially an informative little TED talk that he sent me from You Tube last night. Then Ground Hog told me he though perhaps I was omnivert which sent me immediately to google where I was hooked up with another WordPress bloggess. I’ve only read one of her posts but I think I’m going to like her theories.
My best conversation, though, also with groundhog was about my blog about religion and the bible. He and I are several miles apart in our beliefs and biblical convictions….Random Sunday Morning. A healthy dialogue between the two of us felt really good. I think we both knew that it was not going to change either of our minds…but I loved the give and take. The argument. The agreeing to disagree that we have always had about nearly every topic…
So I leave you today with the challenge…if you have something to say about what I write, I want to know. I love a good discussion and the only thing I will not tolerate is disrespect.
Until next time….