Someone asked in a post somewhere, sometime ago who they thought should play them in the movie of their life. I chose Kathy Bates.
I’m waiting for the rigatoni to finish and I have broccoli in the microwave – he’s sick today and this is about the first meal that I’ve had to cook since Christmas. He – the angel – said about the time he retired from the correctional facility that he would do the grocery shopping and do the cooking…he appreciated all of the meals I had cooked over the lifetime of our marriage and he would take over….awesome. I can hear all of you.
He has had a head cold for a couple of days – and the melaleuca stirred up feelings of the flu last night – he was in dire straits – right to the bathroom..says he is better today but is pretty quiet and doing a lot of resting. He is not your typical man when he is sick.
With all of that being said…I can’t get Kathy Bates and James Caan off my mind tonight….capiche?
Until next time…
This morning I hung up the shift bidding sheet for 2014…my name isn’t on it…no regrets!
Other than an extra mortgage and utilities for two houses, it has been nice to be able to slowly make upgrades on the Missouri house and slowly move things from one place to the other. What isn’t wonderful is the double life we are leading. At first it was very refreshing to have our own house down there when we visited the kids. Each wonderful long weekend was followed by a 4 hour trip back to Iowa – home to the critters and Dish TV. It was around Thanksgiving that I started having a major aversion to the return trip. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, my dreams are even different between the two houses/cities/states. This week, after 9 days, it was especially hard to leave my Missouri life…we drove separately and met up in Bethany for lunch at McDonalds (my first fish sandwich for awhile) (need to hit McDonalds more often)…We talked about what kind of relief we would feel once our life is no longer disjointed….AND the kitties won’t have to be alone for weeks at a time 😦 Thank you Carmen Keith for checking on them!!!! It takes a village.
Two hours into my Monday shift, I’ve been yelled at because someone’s car has been repo’d and it is almost paid off (almost being the operative word), I’ve had two people call because uh ya, I got a question, 2 cellphone heros/tattlers on the interstate and two 911 calls that were actual emergencies. Those were the highlights…I’ve actually talked to several people who didn’t want to have to bother us and had actual non-self made issues but they are the minority. I’ve already made it back to exactly the same place I was before I went on vacation.
Happy Birthday Nancy, Deaton, Lennie Rae and Bengi!
Until next time.
Since my last post about dreaming…I’ve been on a journey. Seems Newton dreams and Pleasant Hill dreams are different from each other. The morning waking up from the dream about a former fake friend and her betrayal and hatefulness kind of set the tone for the day. Apparently I still have some anger to deal with. I tried the route of block, ignore and move on but she is still in there somewhere dispersing ugliness.
It’s very hard to leave my grandbaby, the home and the weather to come back to Iowa. Kind of in a funk about the job. Not sure where I belong anymore. I want to hand off the baton to the next supervisor so he can hit the ground running and while I’m ready to give it all up, I’m troubled with doing the job for 30 years – the massive amounts of technical information I’ve taken in the last 3 years and then what. I just stop thinking about it? It’s called retirement…no one really helps you prepare for it anymore than the lack of preparation when you become an empty nester. I guess it’s one of those things you figure out as you go. Just like everything else in life.
Not sure what I’m supposed to do today. I’m not short on things I need to start or finish. Just a little melancholy with a huge helping of lack of ambition.
Until next time….
I’m up in the middle of the night because my mind cannot shut down. My mind cannot stop asking why… I want to remember the last time I heard his voice…the last time I heard him say women should not be allowed in Fantasy Football…the last time I heard his little laugh while debating politics or any other polar opposite opinions…always knowing that when he was on the street, the dirtbag should never try to run from our streak of lightening. This is totally messed up…totally freeking messed up! Risking life every day…
She totally reminds me of my mother…I’ve been trying to figure it out…why my throttle seems to be erratic. Talk, talk, talk, talk…minimum self responsibility/maximum victim.
Who knew finding a new blog home could cause such an upheaval of emotions..it’s not that I don’t have other things to think about and worry about..but this finding a new home has become a compulsion…even though MB/EmmyBee/Skanickadee has wisely reminded me that a decision doesn’t have to be made right away.
My feelings: unsettled, irritable, not in control, angry
I’m leaving Xanga – just checking how this works