Or I’m blinded by the steam escaping from my head

I started off my Morning Pages arguing the woulda, shoulda, coulda theory of my life. I think I’m still following “someone” else’s rules…rules that have a home in my ego….rules that I haven’t seen to fit to challenge with the board of directors in my brain!

Today is not the first day I’ve argued that I am very content sitting on the deck, drinking my coffee, plotting death to the cicadas having the intention that I will do nothing today other than read and make notes (bulletpoint notes) about How do I go about killing cicadas).

VS

OMG someday I will be 80 (insert number) and I won’t be able to get around as well and I will regret the decision I made on August 9 2019 at 0900 to just do nothing…what is wrong with me that I don’t want to do anything…everyone else is out there living productive lives and here I sit on my deck doing nothing!

There is a heepa lotta attachment here to shoulda! Then…I thought….I read a lot of books and attend classes each week on changing my thinking….quieting ego thinking and making decisions through the divine spirit in me….keeping my vibrations high, the value of meditating….and I can’t make peace with myself to be content right now…just being in the moment? Right here….right now!

I may just be overthinking…spending too much time outside my head and letting my ego cause me to be off center and causing the energy I’m using on something that doesn’t even deserve a conversation blind me by the steam this useless activity is creating.

Until next time….

5 thoughts on “Or I’m blinded by the steam escaping from my head

  1. Oh my god. Probably 80% of my morning pages include, “I should have been more productive yesterday” somewhere in there. Then I tell myself that I am doing things and I deserve to be lazy at times. Then I feel guilty about being lazy and feel guilty about wasting my bliss during lazy time by feeling guilt.

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  2. If your heart’s desire is to relax and enjoy your deck that is what you should do. You have worked very hard in your life so why not enjoy the moment. Only do what YOU really want to do!

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