It hasn’t been that long ago that I “mentally” attacked the woman who held up the line in the checkout at the grocery store counting her pennies, checking every grocery sack before she put it in the cart and then left her shopping cart sitting in the middle of the parking lot rather than walking two cars down and putting it in the corral. I mentally insulted her with my thoughts about her buying a case of diet Dr Pepper and the fact that her shirt wasn’t long enough in the back to cover her caboose.
This event has played several times in my head since it happened because I knew I needed to think through my reaction realizing that my irritation level and my anger at this woman was blown out of proportion relative to the experience. I, now, have a pretty good idea why this triggered me …. it would have to do with my embarrassment and irritation watching my mother behave in a similar way as this woman. I loathed the way my mother treated other people with smugness and disrespect depending on how she perceived their station in life.
I have found that the first step is recognition realizing what triggers me from my past. At this point, I really believe that when we behave badly or disrespectful whether it be in our thought process or actually follow through with hurtful, angry or self absorbed verbal comments, we are really reacting to our own insecurities which triggers behavior, perhaps, learned in our upbringing.
Working through this scenario in my head is part of my continuing process of becoming more loving, kinder and more mentally positive in my everyday life. And these little blips of our humanity are just that….little insignificant blips.
Until next time…
Ninasusan 
I have not-nice thoughts to people that are rude to me and others. I hope to grow out of them someday. I try to remind myself or karma. Sometimes it helps. Awareness is step one. You are becoming kinder and more loving.
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You always make me think Nina.
Dealing with the perfectionist grandfather. Getting so irritated by his attitude. When I find myself doing / thinking something he would, and being horrified that I could ever possibly be anything like him. He intimidated me when I was a kid. As an adult I don’t give a shit what he thinks about me. because I think he is mean so his opinion is insignificant to me. I do what I do for him because it’s the right thing to do. period. So I suppose he is part of why I learned to make people inconsequential when they offend or hurt me or mine. I’m pretty damn good at that, And he is probably a good part of why. And maybe part of that is watching my mom try to win his approval her whole life. It never came. I would be damned if I cared that much what anyone thought of me…Boy I’m rambling this is a rabbit hole I could get lost in.
As I said, you make me think. One day I’m bringing my camper to meet you someplace and we’re going to have some all night long conversations 😀
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Sounds perfect… a meeting….domestication…what we learn and adopt from there and never get rid of it as adults.. the book mastery of self. Tells it like it is!
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I’ve been working on the opposite–not taking people’s reactions personally. Realizing much of it has little do with me and much to do with their own lens. We’ve both been working on opposite sides of the same coin:).
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