As life goes….as I’ve learned in therapy….as I’ve uncovered in myself as I embrace new thought, my life as far back as I can remember has been guided by fear!
Over the years, I’ve done some brave and, what some might call, crazy or fearless things which I would say do not meld (for lack of better word) with the belief that I am guided by fear. I think in a subconscious way, I embrace these challenges in order to work through my fear but I’m positive this insight did not knowingly have a bearing on my decisions at the time.
I do not swim very well, in fact I’ve never known if I knew how to swim well enough to save myself….and quite frankly I have a fear of the water….no doubt thanks to my mother who feared everything. Keeping that in mind, I have an incredible desire to be in a boat on the water…we’ve owned a pontoon and two sailboats and now kayaks.
Last weekend for the first time, we took them to the River…the Niangua….for a a maiden 4 hour ….cue Gillians Island music….River voyage. Before I actually got completely on the River, I was personally completely in the river. Within the first hour we had to go around a sand bar where two guys were fishing and because of swirling water and Lack of experience, I got too close to the steep bank and turned it over again! Once I recovered and was helped back in by said fishermen, we were off again.
It was fun, I learned technique, I relaxed, I felt the sun on my body, i experienced the beauty of nature a way I had never seen it before. But the one thing that sticks in my mind was when, as we were floating down the river, he yelled back and said…so did that experience scare you? NO. It did not scare me. I would like to figure out why it didn’t.
Until next time….