A deep thought here…you really learn about life when you are dealing with death.  A few days ago, I was totally pissed off and bitter about my relationship with Aunt Frances..mainly I was having a pitty party because it seemed that the two maternal adults in my life made  no attempt to cuddle Nina Sue at the death of her parents…the things I have learned 1) we all think about life different and we all think about death different; 2) in their grief – I’m cleary speaking of my mother and my aunt, it was not possible for them to take care of anyone else; 3)Their mother died young – mom was 13 and Aunt Frances was 15 so they are possibly emotionally challenged by the death and who knows how death was dealt with in the 1930’s; 4) we are so apart in generations…my parents and Aunt Frances are the age of grandparents to most of my friends; 5)the 4 of us grew as one unit.  Aunt Frances was in our unit..Mom, Dad, Aunt Frances and Nina Sue so I’m guessing no one even considered that I was the little girl in the mix.  6) I go to great lengths to not appear vulnerable, lonely and out of control…thus the thoughts of laying in a bed in my last days being vulnerable, lonely and out of control scares me…fast forward to death here…obviously mother and aunt frances didn’t feel this way.  Jeff  aka ghog said the way to solve this problem is with a living will..that is what he did and he also said:

In any case, the main imperative is to make it known what your choices are and where the lines are drawn while you are still healthy. That way, when your time comes, your wishes will be honored. Whether you choose to fight like Aunt Francis or set rules for ending it like I did, individual choice has to be preserved. No government, no family member, no doctor or caregiver should be allowed to make that choice for you. The choice should be yours.


Your Aunt wants to fight. Leave her to it. 

Thanks everyone for your comments, your support and your love.  I may find Peace yet…

Until next time….


5 thoughts on “

  1. Peace – it will find you. 


  2. I sure dont know how to deal with death very well.  i just dont…But I wish you peace…Keep us updated on how you work this all out!xo, QE


  3. I was wondering about you mom and Aunt Frances.  I wondered what their young life was like, what made them such fighters?  I wondered if they faced some icky stuff while they were growing up? First let me say Nina, may you live a long, healthy life.  Draw up your living will.  Make your wishes clearly known to anyone who may need to make decisions. Then remember this — you have a family that loves you dearly.  You will not be alone — they will be there with you, lovingly by your side.  You have family and friends who will be your side — you will not be lonely.  The control will be in your wishes being clearly stated in your living will.My mom’s Mom and my Mom died with two months of each other and my Dad flat-lined but was brought back during that time.  That was a hell of a time for me.  I know it is so hard not to go to dark places when you have been going through such a difficult time.  That being said, try to use this experience to make your life better.  You have seen what you don’t want your experience to be.  You can make plans and talk to your loved ones so that your experience will be different.Your Mom has passed away and Aunt Frances is in a great fight right now. I hope you can gather strength from your family and friends to help you deal with this situation. From what I see here and Facebook, you have a lot of people who really care for you and love you.  I hope you can let yourself lean on them now.You are a special person Nina Sue.  My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.


  4. You always seem so strong to me.  I think even in this you are stronger than you think.  But Hugs to you, if you need them!


  5. Peace…..its always with you Nina…..you just have to let it in! LOVE YOU!!!!!!


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